Haiku/Senryu / Walking to walk with a spring in your step

Good piece. I like the different “walking” follow-up, but I don’t like the title. I like the idea of “Walking to Walk,” but I don’t like the way it sounds or looks as the title. Too clunky or not original enough, maybe.

It’s nice to see the traditional form of haiku. It is by far the hardest to write. I can see the what you are trying to achieve. I have a couple of thoughts.

First line – the word (Nature’s) Feels generic. Nature does not always warm. It can  be cold and brutal.

Second line – (coloring) Could you describe the color.  (red wine slowly blush pale cheeks) Just a thought.

Third line – The connection is hard to see. You have made the first and second lines human in nature. Now you need to show the connection of the third. Maybe changing the word happy would do the trick.

This is good haiku but, it could be great.

A very nice, light, detailed piece. There is good imagery. Very uplifting, well done

I haven’t read the one about walking to work in winter, but this is very good and poetic. Just as a good haiku has to be…Great job)

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March 24, 2008

by Smintboyuk

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
412	80.2% (111 votes)	25.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

Thanks for the review.

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this is a great piece of writing. it feels like spring and that is much needed during winter. i liked how you used personification with the line “Nature’s warming smile.” i would love to read more of your haikus

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March 23, 2008

by Smintboyuk

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
412	80.2% (111 votes)	25.8%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
35	M	Alexandria, VA	November 27

Thanks for the kind words, I’m glad you like it.  The companion piece for Autumn is simply called ‘Walking to work’.  You’ll see the same theme in the structure and subject.  Most of my pieces are senryu on the subject of love and romance.

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