Sugo gazed outside the window watching the rain from her seat. She had not seen any of her friends this day, nor anyone else from the Fellowship. It seemed as if the rain had driven them all away, but she knew the weather had little to do with their constant comings and goings. Everyone had their own affairs to attend to recently, and it rarely included her.
The waitress appeared and reached down for the empty bowl in front of Sugo, asking “Would you care for another helping, dear?” The crook of her other arm was already ladened with food-stained plates and bowls, yet she seemed determined to add another to the growing pile. She hesitated, waiting for the young girl’s command to proceed.
Sugo looked up smiling. “No thanks. It was good… really good… but I won’t be able to eat anything later if I have any more now”, she replied. Her high-pitched voice was full of enthusiasm and nuance, giving her an even more child-like appearance when she spoke. It served the halfling well, even moreso lately since she met the darkly-clothed man.
The waitress smiled, obviously charmed by the response. “Well then let me take this back for you,” she spoke as she hastily scooped the bowl and placed it precariously on the increasingly unstable stack, “and I will let the cook know that his famous Hashed Chicken and Chowder has warmed this lovely girl’s heart today.” The waitress flashed a quick smile to her before spinning on her heels and seeking out more dishes to collect for what Sugo suspected would be a balancing act performed for an audience had this been a circus tent, and not the Floating Anvil Inn.
As she looked out the window again, she spotted two familiar figures outside. They seemed to be undeterred by the downpour. In fact, they appeared to be enjoying it. Smiling, Sugo lifted herself out of her chair and dropped to the floor. As she headed towards the door, she quickly turned back to pocket an extra slice of bread for later, and then proceeded towards the exit once more, even quicker than before.
*
Alora Rolawnais enjoyed the rains. For the half-elven druid, the rains were a spiritual renewal for both the body and the soul, and she relished the cleansing each and every time it pours. But perhaps, she enjoyed it even more this day, because she was not alone.
“Certainly better than the snows,” came the strong and calming voice from almost out of nowhere. Alora turned back and smiled warmly at the man nearly hidden in the folds of his own shadowy cloak. Her gaze was unable to penetrate the darkness within the man’s hood, but she knew his face well enough. She could imagine his dark eyes looking over her with such fondness and caring that few others would ever see there.
“Aye. And even moreso if you were to remove your cover and let the waters actually touch your skin,” she offered as she spread her arms outward and began to circle in place, attempting to catch every drop. Her silvery-white hair, matted to her head and down to her shoulders, was soaked and heavy with the waters of the day. Yet it still retained it’s vibrant luster as the long tendrils fell caressing her about the face and neck.
Skeath moved the hood back from over his head and felt the first drops of rain on his face. The cool spray landed gently and repititiously with an almost soothing effect. He could feel the droplets collecting in the hairs of his short beard around his mouth, but he paid them little heed as he watched the druid continue her celebration of the weather. He couldn’t help but smile as he looked on, though anyone looking would’ve noticed only a slight curl form at the corner of his lips.
He stepped forward with flowing, graceful strides. “I feel I may get dizzy watching this display,” he began. “Of course, it could be from my heart racing as I witness such beauty in motion. I would ask you to stop, but I’m afraid that you might.” His lip curled again.
Alora let her icy-blue gaze fall on him as her body came to rest. Streams of water cascaded down her form and over the lapels of her elaborate, divine armor. Its deep, blue hues and gold emblems appeared to shimmer and ripple with every drop of rain, as if the armor itself were a pool of water. It was said that it had been crafted by the Forest Queen herself in the midst of a raging storm to harness it’s powers. But the druid had been very reserved about revealing how she acquired such a divine gift, hinting only that it was indeed, a gift.
“Perhaps the time apart from each other has finally cured you of blindness, Master Arecath” came her retort. “I am no different than the day you first met me, yet it is only now that you speak what should have been obvious to you. Or have you suddenly found the ways to speak with your heart?” Her eyes remained serene, but there was a sparkle of anticipation evident in her tone.
Skeath moved to speak, until he noticed the small figure bounding up towards them from the entrance of the Floating Anvil. Instinctively, his hands reached for the hilt of his blades as he unconciously slipped into the shadows.
Alora’s face drained in an instant as she watched the man turn slightly, slipping into the hidden shadows that only he seemed to be able to find, then lost sight of him completely. She quickly surveyed her surroundings, trying to spot him as she attempted to find what gave him cause for alarm. She had learned to trust his acute ability for sensing danger, but this was the most inconvenient moment for him to be jumping at (or into) shadows.
“Hello, there!” came Sugo’s small and excited voice.
The druid’s expression relaxed again and she smiled as the small figure approached her. “Sugo! It is good to see you. I was wondering where you’ve been.” The half-elven woman squatted down to receive the halfling’s fond embrace. “I have not seen you in a few days, and I feared the drow may have taken my Sugo away!”
Even crouching, little Sugo had to reach up to put her arms around Alora’s slender neck, giving it a quick pull before letting go. “Nah! I won’t let them find me. I’ve been practicing my magics to be good at hiding.” Sugo smiled up proudly at Alora, who was also smiling from ear to ear.
“And what are you doing out in this rain?” came Skeath’s voice again. Alora looked up and saw him standing closer than before. ‘Or had he been standing there the whole time?’ she wondered. His face showed a mixture of concern and sterness, much like a father forced to scold his favored or only child. “Shouldn’t you be inside someplace, where it is warm and dry?”
Sugo tried her best to look miserable and reprimanded, swaying as she spoke to appear uneasy. “I was, Skeath. Honest, I was! I was in there eating and I seen you both coming.” She began to deliberately dragging one leg beneath her as she continued. “I wanted to say ‘Hi’ to you and Alora, ‘cuz it’s so bo-oring.” Alora and Skeath both exchanged amused glances as she nearly fell backwards attempting to emphasize her last statement with more bodily expressions than it appeared she could handle. Sugo quickly regained her balance and turned to the druid, “Alora, can you make the rains stop?”
Alora brushed aside a strand of her wet hair as she knelt a bit to address Sugo. “I’m sorry, but it is not my right to take it away, little one. And they are needed to wash away and cleanse the lands and keep them healthy. Just like people, Sugo.” The druid glanced up at Skeath to find him staring back and smiling at her. He was actually smiling! What is he thinking? What is he ever thinking?, she thought as she just smiled back.
“But Alo-oraa,” Sugo replied, drawing out her words as a sign of her protest. “It’s so-oo bo-ooriing. There’s nothing to do and there’s no one to play with.” Then she gave both of them a closer look and added, “And you two don’t look like you want to play with anyone else except each other.”
Alora straightened up quickly as if she had suddenly realized she were sitting close to a snake she had not noticed before. Skeath blinked, alerted more by the druid’s sudden movements than Sugo’s words, which he scarcely recalled until a second later.
“Uh… well, Sugo… if…,” he stammered as he quickly thought for a solution, his mind racing as he spoke. Rains… indoors… little girls… play… Do I still have these? His hand had slipped into the folds of a pocket he had long forgotten about. He felt the leather hide of a small pouch, also neglected for some time. Not since his younger days in Westgate…
“Do you like games, Sugo?”
Sugo’s eyes lit up excitedly. “What kind of game, Skeath?”
Alora smiled at the halfling’s renewed enthusiasm, then turned curiously to learn what this secretive man was willing to share. More than anyone, she felt she knew the rogue best, yet he still remained a mystery to her in so many ways. He never ceased to amaze her with the vast amounts of knowledge and insight he displayed on countless occassions regarding various customs and cultures, historical accounts, and even religious philosophies and ethos of several churches. As comprehensive and complex as his words portrayed him, she sometimes forgot that he was also a man of simpler, baser pleasures.
“It’s a game of skill, chance, and luck.” Skeath pulled the worn leather pouch out by it’s draw straps from deep within his shadowy cloak and held it in front of Sugo to see. His mouth curled upward slightly as she gazed at the old pouch in awe. “Dragonbones.” His voice came as a whisper, as he twisted his fingers sligtly to make the pouch spin suddenly. Sugo’s jaw nearly dropped as the effect seemed to arouse her curiosity. The druid raised an eyebrow curiously, but remained silent, content to watch and listen for the moment. The rain was beginning to lighten.
“Are they real dragon bones in there?”, Sugo asked. Halflings by nature had a great love for games, especially those of chance. But she was also a wizard, and the bones of a dragon were rare and potent items that could be used for their alchemic properties to enhance her spellcraft. She tried to remain calm.
“Maybe,” Skeath winked at her. She felt like kicking him, but thought better of it. The human was incapable of giving a direct answer, she had learned. Then her frustration quickly fled as the man flipped the pouch up into his hand and spilled the contents into the other with a single, swift and seamless motion. Alora leaned in a bit to inspect the items better.
“They’re dice!” Sugo’s excitement returned again.
“Aye, but they’re called Dragonbones in the game.” The rogue picked one from his open hand and held it up for both women to see. “There are ten of them in a set, and each has a number from one to six. See all the colors?” He turned and twisted the die between his fingers to display the different faces. “There are ten colors, five for evil dragons and five for good dragons.”
Alora thought to reach for one in his palm to inspect for herself, but Skeath suddenly clenched his fingers around them as if to protect them. She was about to take offense when she realized she had not yet made any movement to take them. Then Skeath moved to place the die back in his palm, pausing briefly as if to consider how or when his hand closed before dumping the dice back into the pouch. The druid’s expression changed to curious, then confused.
“Let us move inside,” he suggested. “These have been safe with me for some time and I do not wish to have them ruined by soaking too much rain. Then I can show you both how it is played properly, at a table with some seats and among friends.” He offered Alora another smile.
The druid forced her thoughts away and returned a smile of her own. She reached her hand to his and felt a strange sense of relief when she felt his fingers clasp gently around hers. Her smile grew warmer, watching as he returned the pouch back into the shadowy depths of his cloak. Together, they followed Sugo towards the door of the Anvil as she bounded forward, exclaiming “This is gonna be so-o much fun, it is!”
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I like the way you put it in to this. But I think the beginning is a bit too plain. But after that, everything is smooth-going. The way Alora and Skeath appeared in Sugo’s sight is good enough. But I like the way Alora introduced both herself and Skeath. I think you can have two or more chapters sfter this piece because I think it’s not end yet. But you’ve got good ending of this piece. I still curious about the magic. Can they really perform magic? Maybe you could put some interesting things on it so it could become magical realism. But the over all is good. And I really like Skeath’s attitudes! Maybe you could write more about him in another story!
Overall I really enjoyed the story. It was well written the dialogue for each character was distinctive and gave me a feel for the character. I was confused at times about whose point of view I was reading from. There are some places where I didn’t think adverbs were needed. For example: “His voice came as a whisper, as he twisted his fingers slightly to make the pouch spin suddenly. Sugo’s jaw nearly dropped as the effect seemed to arouse her curiosity. The druid raised an eyebrow curiously,” I would eliminate suddenly and curiously.
He could feel the droplets collecting in the hairs for the hilt of his blades I’m not sure what you are trying to say here.
You used a lot of great descriptive details that really brought the story to life. I especially liked: Yet it still retained it’s vibrant luster as the long tendrils fell caressing her about the face and neck.
I also liked the names in the story, especially The Floating Anvil Inn.
I was a little let down with the ending. I expected something more to happen.Or maybe I just wanted to hear more.
I like the opening three paragraphs. It gives us a character, a setting, and a mood.
”...was full of enthusiasm and nuance…” I’d cut the “and nuance”
“moreso” – more so
“The waitress flashed …” great sentence.
”...familiar figures outside.” I’d ditch “outside”. It’s redundant.
”...and dropped to the floor.” I understand now that it was a high chair because of her being a “halfling”, but upon first read it sounds like she got out of her chair and “passed out”.
You’ve done a good job so far of avoiding the colorless word, “Walked”. Kudos.
“Alora Rolawnais…” This is an awesome and well-written paragraph.
“moreso” Arghh… I’d seperate it, but this of course ultimately up to you.
Your pleasure in giving description is obvious, and it’s done quite well…
”...icy-blue gaze fall on…” I’d ditch the ‘blue’ and replace ‘on’ with ‘upon’. Just a style issue, but of course you’ve got your own.
“Its deep..” Again, your descriptions are well-written, almost poetic.
”...fond embrace.” I’d ditch ‘fond’ as it seems redundant.
”...knelt a bit” I’d ditch ‘a bit’. It’s like saying “I walked a bit, or ran a…” You get it.
”...for their alchemic…” cut ‘their’
Overall I think you’re very comfortable in your story-telling techniques. I mainly pointed out technical issues, but these should be the least of a writer’s concerns. The descriptions that you have abound in depth – They’re very rich and of the few fantasy novels I’ve read, I find these kinds of depictions very enriching to the overall narrative of the story. You don’t need me to say this, but you’ve obviously got both the talent and passion for writing. Am I saying quit your day job? No. BUT… you should def. pursue this hobby for which you’ve got a great amount of skill. Email me with any questions you’ve got. I’d be more than happy to give you my fifty cents. Thanks for sharing.
-Curt
As a fantasy and gamer enthusiast, I loved the short. I wish there were more to it. The background doesn’t need to be written out for me as I can imagine the humor and adventures these three have already had. Myself, as an avid reader of the Dragon Lance Chronicles, can see the similarities in the characters. Sugo is defiantly going to be one of my favorites should you pursue continuing their saga on paper. I’m no writing expert, but I would LOVE to read more.
Very well written, its difficult anymore to draw me into short stories (I even have trouble re-reading my own for inspiration) but even thought this is part of a larger story, I enjoyed reading it very much. I would love to read more of these characters.
The story is good even with the lack of character development. The the connection between Skeath and Alora is presented well even with out Skeath’s stammering to Sugo’s words.
Now, what to work on: My man you do well but you really didn’t develope the setting real well. Always strive to use at least two sences when you talk about a room, how it smells, sounds, or the aura feels. Another thing It’s fortunite I glanced at a D&D book otherwise I would have thought Sugo was either a beardless dwarf or a pixie. In short you tell the reader insted of showing.
Like I said this was real entertainting and I like to read it after it’s been revised.
I really enjoyed reading this. It would be great to read more of this.
even though i was not familiar with these characters, i stillel pull into their relationship. since they are revisted characters, i think too much background was given. it interuped the flow of their interaction. still i would very much like to read the whole story.
The use of imagery and detail really brings this story to life, but the characters interactions don’t. I like the characters in the beginning but my fondness for them fades as they don’t really have interesting interactions with one another. This piece seemed like it could of been more dynamic and tantalizing with the addition of a mysterious intruder and maybe some forbidden attraction between Skeath and Alora, but it is a major let down when they all go off and play dice.
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