Poetry / Urbis Writer(s)

I am not an expert on Limerick, but it seems the last line would flow better without the “us” after tire.

This is the second limerick in a row I’ve read re: Urbis writers. Was it inspired by another?

Otherwise, fun once again. It’s good to laugh at ourselves (or at least hope we’re laughing at others, an not ourselves in this case).

Don’t need two “us” on last line, just 2nd one. Fun, thanks.

Only one? and just once? lol. As a limerick, its a winner. Keep up the good work.

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March 14, 2008

by GreenIguana

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check out my other limericks!

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enjoyable, but i do fear you left out the biggest part that should go inbetween advice, and revise…..typos everyones demise.

i also think you put it poetically in a very senseable manner. good job

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March 13, 2008

by GreenIguana

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Maybe I’ll write a Part Two!

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And what is your purpose? You’ve created an excellent limerick, other than the stretch of rhyming “advice” with “revise.”

It isn’t a new idea, but one that definitely hits home.

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March 13, 2008

by GreenIguana

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my purpose is the vain hope that some Urbis writers will read this and put more thought and clarity into what they write.

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Well, your rhyme is a bit wonky (advice and revise are more of a “slant rhyme”), but I think you make your point clearly (and I agree with the sentiment expressed).  The humor is mostly in that you express this in a limerick.  You don’t need the comma after Urbis, though.

It is amusing, and true generally well beyond Urbis.  If you intend this for any audience besides this small little pond, you’d need to change it.  Not sure why you posted it as poetry as there is a limerick category.  Your last line seems off.  To get the right meter it would seem to need to be “and continued to tire and irk us.”

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March 13, 2008

by GreenIguana

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Hmm. Do limericks have syllable counts? I know the last line is one syllable longer than the first two, but the accent on the syllables is better with the way I wrote it I think. In other words: I wrote “and conTINued to TIRE us and IRK us.” Whereas what you’re suggesting would sound as “and CONtinued TO tire and IRK us.” Nobody pronounces continue that way unless they’re speaking with a foreign accent.

March 13, 2008

by ParticoRomulus

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Hmmm, I’m no limerick expert, just going on my past experience.  I hear it as

“and conTINued to TIRE and IRK us”

It seems like the second ‘us’ adds an extra beat.  Dunno.  Is there a limerick How To website?  See what others say too I guess.

September 21, 2008

by EAnonymous

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In Texan English it would stay in trochaic meter if you dropped the first “us”.  ”Tire” is pronounced “Tie-yer”.  :)

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