Haiku/Senryu / Free By Nature

This was a wonderful choice of form for this subject – it conveyed the movement, the unfolding and closing of butterfly wings, perfectly. There’s a sense of rhythm and movement throughout the whole poem – the brevity referred to in the first verse, then the second sense gives a sense of rising when you talk about “high” and “energy”, then the last one refers to a slowing down, an ending of the day, and a conclusion.

My only criticisms would be the last line, which I didn’t understand – is violet the colour, the flower or a person? I’m not sure what this whole line means – some ambiguity is great, but I feel I should have a way in, something to hang my thoughts on even if they’re unclear. I’m not sure about your choice of colours in the second to last line – they wouldn’t be the colours I’d think of in relation to butterflies.

But that aside, this was a really well written and beautiful poem. I really enjoyed reading it.

I’m not sure if I should be reviewing this as three separate haiku, or as one strangely formatted three-stanza haiku.  They all seem to have a butterfly theme in common.

I felt that the strongest of the tree was the first.  I liked the image of the haiku being a vivid butterfly that kisses the poets palm briefly before it flies off.

The other two haiku did not inspire such images in my head.  While I know that nectar gives energy, the phrase “nectar energy” is still very ambiguous.  Is it a lot of energy?  And the two lines that follow, while they seem to be concepts that apply to haiku in general, don’t seem to be connected to the first in a way that I can understand.

The third haiku is more understandable, but I think would have a better impact if the second line were re-written somehow to match the theme better.