Poetry / Inspiration

I really loved the flow of this poem, I dont know what to say it is and in that moment of finshing was beautiful. I have to say though I can place myself there, Because I have been there and felt the chains the bars fall away. Though now realizing no one can capture the wind. We all must be patient.

With your poem as short as it is, it touched my heart and brought back memories of my own, it is truely brilliant keep up the good work. I would like to hear more to this story, and what inspired it. You keep me on the edge of my seat. Thank you.

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April 04, 2008

by KindredSpirit

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	93.5% (62 votes)	27.4%

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100	F	Honolulu, HI	September 03

Wow.  You made my day.  That was really nice of you.  I think what inspired it was my own lack of personal accomplishment and it came at a time that I needed to feel some hope.  I just got sick of having ‘everything’ and nothing, and worse, of not going after the things that I loved, like writing and acting, even though they kept whispering in my ear my whole life.  I looked around and there were so many people out there to feel inspired by.

I consider myself mostly a screenwriter, an immensely difficult area to break into, and I’m now experiencing almost constant rejection (and it stings).  But I know I have more to learn.  Every time I sit down to write, no matter what it is, I feel like I’m doing what I was supposed to do.  I just tell myself it is only a matter of time.  Thank you.  Your words gave me a needed shot of encouragement.

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I really like the tempo of this poem. The cold , black ,iron bars are very symbolic words. It makes the reader imagine exactly what it means to you. I like how you arranged the stanzas. I didn’t see the first version, so I can’t compare them.

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April 01, 2008

by KindredSpirit

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	93.5% (62 votes)	27.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
100	F	Honolulu, HI	September 03

Thank you.  I liked reading some of your reviews of other writers, too.

April 01, 2008

by sheryl_chpmn

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0	85.2% (54 votes)	100.0%

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51	F	Tucson, AZ	July 28

Thank you for the compliment. I try to help other writers the best that I can.

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This poem is nice but inspiration as the title doesn’t fit this piece for me… I think it should be called Courageous being that it mentions taking a chance of wanting to fly and soar.

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April 02, 2008

by KindredSpirit

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	93.5% (62 votes)	27.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
100	F	Honolulu, HI	September 03

Thank you.  Sometimes it is exactly being inspired that reawakens something and causes us to take those chances.

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This is quite good, and the title definitely fits.  It’s definitely got a nice element of hope to it.

This is a very beautiful, very simple sentiment.  I would change the ‘but’ and ‘and’ in the first stanza, because I think it would flow better.  The first stanza also seems a bit out of character for the rest of the piece.  The last part is fantastic, though.  I love the idea.

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April 01, 2008

by KindredSpirit

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	93.5% (62 votes)	27.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
100	F	Honolulu, HI	September 03

Thank you and I think I agree with you on the ‘but’.  : )

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I really like this! It’s rare that I find poems on Urbis I really like!

The poem seems a bit brief, but I can’t really think of anything missing…

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March 30, 2008

by KindredSpirit

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
110	93.5% (62 votes)	27.4%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
100	F	Honolulu, HI	September 03

Thank you so much.  I am just now uploading a new version incorporating some of the suggested corrections from other reviews.  Yeah, sometimes I like things brief.  Sometimes I can blabber on!

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Wow I started thinking about myself when I read this, it reminds me of how I feel alot I want to be free too..I love the poem it’s really good and has a good meaning to it. Overall I just think that it was really good, keep up the good work.

I do like this poem a lot since it speaks of hope to some degree. I have one suggestion though, the last line of the first verse should have some drama so here goes: i would simply remove the “and” between easy and beautiful and replace it with ”...”. just a thought.

I think you should make this a little bit longer, I kind of feel like I was left hanging…

“And it came…” – Try something with a little more..embellishment….different phrasing.

Other than that it was a nice piece.

It feels good.  That’s the impression I’m left with after reading this poem.  It feels good.  Can’t say that I much like the structure of the poem.  Even visually, it appears ill-thought out.  But the sentiment is grand, and it does make the reader feel good.