Poetry / The Lady

A few lines describing the settting, as well as including some of the senses would greatly inhance this poem.

This poem is very similar to the work of poes. It has so much emotion in it and I love it. I have nothing bad to say about this poem.

This poem does a good job of using beautiful words in setting a scene.

“Kye laid down” should “Kye lay down…” I just looked up the rule!

Woah, this poem gave me chills! My interpretation of this piece is that it describes a woman drowning, meeting God in the form of a mysterious Lady in the Lake, and finding peace in her final moments as she “bathed in stars” glimmering atop the lake’s surface, reflecting the night sky. Beautiful images juxtaposed with death. Very well done.

My only gripe (and it’s a small one) is that the first stanza seems detatched from the rest of the poem simply because it’s spoken in the first-person, as if by the dying Kye. But later on you use actual dialogue brackets to separate the prose from spoken word, and the second stanza immediately jumps into third-person without any transition. Maybe I missed something, but it’s a tad confusing.

Wonderful either way. Great stuff!

I think that this would work better if worked up into a short fiction story somehow. It’s actually not a bad poem in it’s own right, I just think that the subject matter would make for an interesting story if fleshed out a bit and expanded upon. :)

Its good.  You need more in-depth and emotion.  It would be a great start to a book.  I’d turn it into a book.

This is a fantastic poem and
I know you don’t care to hear about grammar
but one thing I would suggest is that you
could do is clarify if the girl is dead or dying.
But you don’t really have to do that because
this is a great poem and I loved it.
Good Job!!!

A very good peice, alluding to many different things, the implications and possibilities of meaning infinous. But who are you… Kye or the Lady?

Wonderful wording, however i must say that it was not an easy read…the point of the poem illudes me still. send me a message about it if you will?

nice. i like the flow of the peice, and how it tell just a short story. your description was good, but i think you could add just a little more to the tale. other than that it was good. nice job. :)