Screenplay / The Subway - A Musical (Act One)

Scene I

           Overture begins. During the overture we see silent scenes take over.  A mom and dad quarrel over a child between them. The mom holds onto the child as the father reaches in for it. The mother fights back to defend the child, but soon the man slaps her. The father looks down at the child, backs away, and runs out of the scene. The mother gets up, hugs the child, looks around, grabs the child’s hand, and they run out of the scene. They enter back on, and we see the silhouette of a few subway seats, and the mom kneels down in front of the kid and holds his hands. The Subway Lullaby plays at the end of the overture, and the mother sings it to her child. She then gets up, walks away, and the overture ends. Subtitles appear reading: ten years later.

           Everyday begins, and we see the silhouette effect disappear, and the audience sees Scott sitting by himself in a subway seat with people around him standing still – like a frozen picture. Spotlight lands on Scott. Scott sings Everyday. Scott holds out his hat on top of his head in search for money.

Scott – Please spare some change folks! Every coin saves a life…particularly mine needs saving right about now. (Man places a dollar in Scott’s hat. Scott looks to shake hands with the man, but the man denies the action.)

Man – Find a job, you bum. (man leaves, and two young teenagers get on board and sit down)

Scott – It’s easy for you to say that…you don’t know how it is to be on the other side. (Scott casually goes back to his seat and sits.) …Or maybe he does. He could be in the same exact boat I’m in, but I would never know…I could never know, at least, not while I’m all alone on this train. No…no…it’s dangerous up there, Scott. Don’t you remember? Your own mom left you on this subway. Don’t you remember the stories you’ve heard – everyday there’s a killing, everyday there are drugs on the streets, everyday there are diseases, everyday – I’m here…

        The two teenager boy and girl look at each other, and Scott watches as they begin to sing Alone. Scott later sings in as well, and at the last words he closes his eyes and falls asleep on the seats of the subway.

Scene II

             Train moves off as we see the set of Amy’s house roll on. Patrick and Amy walk alone for a moment, and they reach the front steps to the house when the lights hit them. Downtown Baby begins, sets of the city are placed for the song and the house is rolled out. There are lots of lights and dancing, and when the song ends, the city is rolled back out, and the actors dance to get off stage. The subway set comes back on, and the lights focus on a new girl, Amanda, as she gets on the subway late at night. She sits a few seats away from Scott, and then looks over to him. A woman friend sitting next to her begins to talk to her.

Melanie – He’s alone in this world.

Amanda – (surprised top see this woman talking to her) Alone?

Melanie – That boy right there, the one without a name they call him, he has been on this same exact train for years.

Amanda – He never gets off?

Melanie – Never, and no one knows why. (reaches out her hand) The name’s Melanie.

Amanda – (shakes hand) Amanda. (looks over to Scott again) Has anyone ever talked to him?

Melanie – After riding this train every late night from work I see very few people, but every now and then there will be a person who will try to speak to him, but he always runs away or threatens to fight.

Amanda – What a strange story…perhaps he is afraid?

Melanie – The world may never know, Amanda, but so long as he stays hidden on the subway from the world above, he may never know what life truly is. I’m surprised he even manages to live down here. By the by, this is my stop. It was nice to meet you Amanda.

        Amanda shakes hands again with Melanie, and after she does, she looks over to Scott and begins to sing Amanda’s Prayer. After she is done, she writes down a note on a piece of paper, places it next to Scott, and gets off the train. Music plays as the train set leaves, and Amy’s house comes back on stage. Audience sees Patrick and Amy once more. They sing their quick reprise and Patrick leaves. Amy walks into house, and the inside of the house can be seen. Melanie, her roommate, gets up from behind the couch she was sitting on.

Melanie – Where have you been, Amy! You told me you would be here three hours ago! It’s 2:30!
Amy – Patrick decided he wanted to take me to downtown.

Melanie – You went to downtown at this time at night? Amy, you know what the doctor said…

Amy – I don’t care anymore about what the doctor said. Patrick loves me…and I love him.

Melanie – First off, Patrick is a dirtbag! He probably loves himself more than he loves you – and second…

Amy – Secondly… (Amy holds out her hand and Melanie sees the ring upon her finger, but shakes her head in disgust.)

Melanie – …secondly you are leading him on. Amy, don’t you understand? Don’t you realize that you may not even be around for that wedding!

Amy – Melanie!

Melanie – I am only trying to knock some sense into you!

Amy – Well then you minus well just stop while you’re at it, because I am tired of trying to live a life that is meaningless and without hope! Patrick is the best thing that has ever happened to me….and this has been the best night I have ever had.

Melanie – I only want what is best for you, and…

Amy – …And I am glad you do, Melanie, I really am. Just let me take care of myself. There’s always a chance.

Melanie – You always seem to look on the bright side of things. (Pause as Amy throws her coat on the couch.)  

Amy – I try Melanie. How was work?

Melanie – (sighs) As good as work can possible get for me, which is not so good, but it helps pay the rent. (Melanie throws Amy an envelope. Amy opens it, reads it, and puts it aside with a shock on her face.)

Amy – And how did you manage getting home tonight? Did John come pick you up?

Melanie – Decided to ride the subway tonight again, and you wouldn’t believe it, but that man was still there!

Amy – The man you saw last time you rode?

Melanie – Yes! And by the looks of it, it was the same exact compartment I rode on the last time I saw him!

Amy – What is that crazy man trying to prove, resistance? Why doesn’t anyone do anything about him?

Melanie – Who knows? Who cares? I don’t. (looks at the clock on the wall) I’m heading to bed, Amy. Get some sleep, alright…and….I guess…congratulations.

Amy – Thank you, Melanie.

Melanie leaves the set, and lights shine on Amy as she walks to the center of the house and sings Amy’s Soliloquy. As she finishes, lights blackout, Amy’s house gets striked, and the lights shine back on to see a group of young adults walking in the streets of New York City.  Amanda is among the crowd along with her friend, Casey.

Amanda – Sorry I’m late, guys.

Casey – Where were you, Amanda?

Amanda – I missed the red line over here. Had to wait a good twenty minutes for the next direct train!

Jack – We know how that feels, don’t we Frankie?

Frankie  - Jack and I got the worst luck at missing the trains when we get off work.

Jack – The worst in all of New York, I ‘d say. We always end taking the blue line to orange just to get to home!

Frankie – After all, we need to get home to our lovely wives on time.

Allison – Yeah so you can eat the dinner we cook before it gets cold!

Jack – All out of love, baby.

Allison – Yeah, yeah…

Amanda – So you guys ride the blue line a lot?

Frankie – Most of the time, why?

Casey – Yeah, what’s up, Amanda?

Amanda – Nothing….just I saw someone there tonight…

Allison – Is Amanda Brown crushing?

Amanda – No not at all! Just, you see, there was this man…

Jack – The one without a name? The Subway Urchin?

Amanda – Yes! Him!

Frankie – Yeah, we got in the train with him once or twice. He’s very quiet – keeps to himself. They say he’s been in that same compartment ever since he was little.

Casey – Why the curiosity?

       Amanda starts singing Every Man is On His Own. The music dies down, and Frankie and Jack start making fun of Amanda.

Frankie – You sure you aint in love with the Subway Urchin?

Amanda – I am not! I simply want to help!

Casey – I understand, Amanda.

Amanda – Thank you, Casey.

Jack – Trying to butter her up, Case!

Casey – No…I just….

Allison – I think it’s time we head on home, Jack. Frankie, are you heading home?

Frankie – Yeah, Liz will kill me if I don’t get home soon. I’ll see you guys later.

Allison and Jack – Bye Frankie.

Jack – Bye Casey.

Allison – Bye Amanda.

Casey and Amanda – Bye.

             The three friends leave, and Casey and Amanda awkwardly stand alone on the street side.

Casey – (after a long pause) So…nice weather we’re having?

Amanda- It is.
Casey – Um…so…do you really like this guy on the subway?

Amanda – Do you really believe Jack?

Casey – No, now that you put it that way, I don’t.

Amanda – Good. (Pause) I have to admit he’s interesting. He would make a good story.

Casey – The editors down at Daily York wouldn’t want any of us to write about him. All they care about is making sure we cover the recent politics of New York City!

Amanda – But I’m sure he has an amazing story to tell! Why does he stay on the subway? Why doesn’t he get off? What are his motives? Does he know what religion is, or even what God is?

Casey – Maybe it’s best to leave him alone.

Amanda – But who knows when he will die? I mean, seriously, Casey, he can only last so long taking what the people around him give him.

Casey – Live and let live, Amanda.

Amanda – Yeah, well that’s not my philosophy.

Casey – Philosophy?

Amanda – Philosophy.

             Casey and Amanda start to sing Philosophy. Once they leave, a group of drunken partygoers come on to sing Every Man Is On His Own reprise. The thugs come up at the end of the song, and they then shoot one drunken guy who walks alone. Blackout.

Scene III

        City set is moved out; subway set is moved back on. People hastily get on and off the train as the beginning to Morning News starts. Scott sings Morning News with group of people on train, and after the song ends, Amanda appears on the train.

Amanda – Excuse me, Mr….

        Scott holds up his fists like a child.

Scott – Back away!

Amanda – Do you even know what violence is?

Scott – I am not stupid. I can hear what other people talk about on this train, which includes the violence that occurs up there!

Amanda – They are your teachers?

Scott – (sees the notebook and pencil in Amanda’s hand) I’m not a freak that you want to interview!

Amanda – No, I don’t want to interview you! (holds out her hand) The name is Amanda.

Scott – (scared by her movement) Don’t make a step closer.

Amanda – (snickers) You’re more dangerous than I thought.

Scott – I’m not the dangerous one – you, you are the dangerous one!

Amanda – Is that so?

Scott – Quit asking me questions! I’m not a story!

Amanda – Your life is a story!

Scott – My life is no one’s business!

Amanda – But everyone’s concern! (Pause) What is your name?

Scott – …Scott.

Amanda – Scott? Scott who?

Scott – …I don’t know.

Amanda – You don’t know?

Scott – I told you, I don’t know!

Amanda – Well…Scott…do you have any parents?

Scott – Not that I know of…

Amanda – Aunts, Uncles…cousins?

Scott – I don’t know…

Amanda – Do you have any friends?

Scott – friends?

Amanda – Yes, friends…people who you are close to.

Scott – I’m not close to anyone.

Amanda – Well, Scott with no last name, I would like to be your friend.

Scott – I don’t want anyone close to me!

Amanda – I just want to…

Scott – I don’t want anyone close to me!

Amanda – But Scott…I just want to get to….

        What A Lonesome Train begins. Scott repels Amanda, while Amanda persists to get to know more about him. Their arguments continue until Amanda reaches her destination.

Amanda – I’ll be waiting for the blue line tonight after work. I highly doubt you will go anywhere, so I’ll be looking for this compartment. Scott stares at her with no emotion. So…I’ll be leaving. And Scott, whether you like it or not…you are my friend.

Scott – I’m her…friend? What have you done, Scott? Pull yourself together! She’s a reporter, a news lady! You’ll be posted across the morning headlines labeled “freak!” She’s dangerous – she’s from up there – the city – no one can be trusted…But I’m her friend….

        Scott sings What A Lonesome Train (reprise). The train set is moved, and we come upon an office set where Amanda is sitting at her office, as Casey comes in drinking a mug of coffee and leaning against the sidewall.
Casey – So you interviewed him?

Amanda – Met him.

Casey – But you interviewed him, right?

Amanda – Well, he’s not much with words, you see. Besides, he did not want an interview, so I wasn’t going to force him.

Casey – Since when did “caring” become an interview ideal?

Amanda – Are you going to lecture me on your philosophy of journalism as well?

Casey – Don’t make me force it upon you. (laughs) So what did he say?

Amanda – Well, he mostly argued with the fact of me getting close to him.

Casey – Congratulations, Amanda – you may be the first person to have scared him off the train!

        Amanda humorously slaps Casey with a newspaper in her hand.

Amanda – Anyways, I’m going to visit him after work later tonight and see how he is doing. Maybe he will be up for an interview then.

Casey – Amanda, you know it’s not safe to ride the subway at night…

Amanda – …I’ll be fine Casey…

Casey – …and you don’t even know if this Subway Urchin, what’s his name…?

Amanda – Scott…

Casey -. …Scott, if he’s even safe!

Amanda – He’s completely harmless, Casey.

Casey – Many have had that idea cross their path…

        Message pops up on Amanda’s computer in her office. She reads it, and she gets up.

Amanda – Boss wants my story on his desk.

Casey – Tell him about your story that you plan to write on this subway guy.

Amanda – Who says I am going to write a story on him?

Casey – It will be the best story this newspaper has had in weeks, excluding the Doggie Pow-Wow story I wrote a few weeks ago.

Amanda – (sarcastic) I’m sure that’s in line for the Pulitzer. Besides, Scott doesn’t want to have a story.

Casey – That story will put that boy on the map! He’ll be famous! I know that will get him off the subway!

Amanda – I plan on taking a more practical approach.

Casey – …not to mention it will make you quite famous as well.

        Amanda pauses at those words, starts to move out of her office, but then turns around.

Amanda – He’s my friend, Casey.

        Amanda leaves with her story, and Casey watches her go. He sits down on her desk and sings What Am I Thinking?
        
        The office set is moved out. The subway is moved back on. Scott is laying down minding his own business, Amy walks onto the train followed by three thugs. Trust This Girl plays.

Scott – You’re beautiful.

Amy – (shocked) Excuse me?

Scott – Did I say something wrong? I thought beautiful meant…

Amy – No I’m not offended – it was not an insult.

Scott – Oh…

Amy – I just…don’t know what to say to that. Um…(Amy pulls out a sheet of paper and begins writing down her address) If you ever get off this subway and need a place to go, my house is open. It’s the least I can do for you, Mr. Hero. (Scott takes the piece of paper.) You really shouldn’t be down here, you know? There aren’t too many nice guys up there in the city, but surprisingly you are one of the sweet ones. You don’t belong here. You deserve a better place – a better future. (pause) Anyway I have to go meet someone but like I said, come see me sometime, Scotty.

        Amy gets off of the subway, and Scott watches her leave. Scott finished Trust This Girl, and as he finishes, the lights fade.

Scene IV

        As train set is moved off stage, a roadside café is moved onto the stage, and the lights light up on Patrick sitting and waiting by a table. Amy soon joins him.

Patrick – Arriving a little late? I was beginning to think you didn’t want to get married.

Amy – Once again, the subway was a little late getting here.

        Patrick notices the bruise on her arm.

Patrick – Where did you get that?

Amy – Oh, this, I um…I ran into some trouble.

Patrick – What? Amy, where?

Amy – On the way here, some thugs tried to steal my purse…

Patrick – Goddamn city! Are you okay?

Amy – Fine, I was rescued.

Patrick – Rescued? Well you should have invited your rescuer here to lunch.

Amy – I would’ve, but he didn’t want to come. He was a weird guy – he lives on the subway and never gets off he says. But he was nice, and he helped me get away and that’s all that matters.

Patrick – Lives on the subway? You got saved by a freak, Amy.

Amy – A hero nonetheless.

Patrick – I guess.

Amy – You guess?

Patrick – Yes. (music for Engagement Plans plays.)

        Amy’s cell-phone rings. Engagement Plans plays and as the song ends, Amy kisses Patrick.

Patrick – Look at the time! Goddammit I’ll be late again. (Patrick kisses Amy.) I love you. I’ll see you after work later tonight. It’s going to be…well…it’s going to be another long night. I’ll make it home as soon as I can.

        As Patrick leaves, Amy begins to sing her soliloquy reprise until she faints onto the ground. People crowd around her, but the lights fade, and the set is moved off, and the subway is moved back on. Scott sits on the subway looking at the paper trying to read it. The door opens to the compartment, and Scott stands up, almost excited to see who is entering. Amanda stands there, and as the doors close, there becomes a silent pause.

Amanda – Scott.

Scott – Amanda.

Amanda – Well, how was your day? I told you I would be back! You almost look surprised.

Scott – I wasn’t sure.

Amanda – I promised, why wouldn’t I come back?

Scott – Because…well…my mom never came back for me.

Amanda – (pause) So that’s why you’re here after all – your parents left you here! Well, I can relate! My father left my mom before I was even born. But then again, I wasn’t left on a public amenity.

Scott – a train?

Amanda – Well, yes. (looks up) Gosh, there’s so much you can learn Scott – it’s all up there!

Scott – (pause) the roof?

Amanda – The city! Your world is so small, Scott. You have to realize, you are a part of something much, much greater. There’s different countries, people, things – they’re all up there. The good and the bad.

Scott – Why risk it?

Amanda – Risk it?

Scott – Yeah, why risk getting the bad instead of the good? If the world is split between good and bad, what happens when you fall short of the good?

Amanda – That’s what we call living.

Scott – I’m living.

Amanda – How can you say you are living when you haven’t risked living on both sides?

Scott – I don’t know.

Amanda – Exactly! You may think everything up there is bad, but maybe that’s only because you don’t know the other side because you have been living in the wrong side. Look around you – there’s diseases waiting to be caught, thugs ready to pounce you – you ask why risk it? What’s the lose?

Scott – (chuckles) I’m a guy on a subway with no education – you know that’s too deep for me.

Amanda – Scott, have you ever wondered where a bird may fly, or how the sun rises and falls with the moon? Have you ever even seen the sun?

Scott – No, actually you nailed it all.

Amanda – But you see what I mean? I can’t imagine why you can’t risk the idea of getting off this train tonight.

Scott – Tonight?! I haven’t even planned it in for the next year! How am I supposed to start a new life up there – I’ll end up on the streets, in the cold – I would get sick!

Amanda – What if I were to ask you to trust me.

Scott – To trust you?

Amanda – Trust me and get off the train with me tonight. I could take care of you until you are ready to live on your own.

Scott – You don’t have to.

Amanda – Scott, there isn’t another way.

The song There Isn’t Another Way plays, and when it ends, the doors open off the subway. Amanda looks at them, and she picks up her bag.

Amanda – Are you sure you don’t want to come, Scott? I swear there’s not much bad in this world. There’s good in it, at least I believe it so – You won’t regret it, Scott!

Scott – I really can’t Amanda. Maybe another day, right?

Amanda – Right. Well, I’ll see you tomorrow, bright and early.

Scott – Till then.

Amanda and Scott – Bye.

Lights blackout on the subway. The subway set is turned around to see the front, where Amanda is getting off. Lights fade in on an elaborate platform station, where Amanda passes by the three thugs. The three thugs whistle at her, and Amanda tries to ignore them. The thugs chase after her in annoyance, and they throw her against one of the columns.

Peter (thug 1) – Where ya headed to tonight baby?

Doug (thug 3) – Why don’t you give us a little kiss eh? Join us downtown.

Amanda – (crying) Please…please let me go.

Matt (thug 2) – Well, what do we have here? A wallet, eh? Looks like you’re well off. Why don’t you help the lower class out?

The thugs begin to reach for her wallet and purse.

Amanda – Don’t touch my things!

Doug – Your things? We’ll touch…all…of…your things…all over…

Doug begins to caress her. Amanda slowly reaches for a knife in her purse.

Peter – Gives us a turn Doug. (pushes Doug aside and stands in front of Amanda) So what do ya say? You want to head downtown baby?

Amanda – Get away you bastards! (Amanda thrusts the knife into Peter.)

Doug – That whore killed him! Get her!

Peter falls to the ground, and Amanda starts to run, until Matt grabs onto her and slams her onto the ground. Amanda falls to the ground. Doug takes out his gun, aims it at Amanda, swipes the sweat for his brow, lights fade out and we hear a gunshot. When the lights come back on the subway is turned around and Scott jolts to hear the gun shot. He looks out the window as the train begins to move, and he sees the scene.

Scott – No…no…Amanda…NO!  

Scott falls to his knees in agony – crying. He cries for several seconds, and we here the finale of Act One start to begin, Departures. The song is sung with Scott and the train set pushed center upstage. The chorus is located left downstage. Casey is located between Scott’s set and the chorus. Amy is located in a smaller room set right downstage with Melanie. Patrick is located between Scott’s set and Amy’s. Together they each get a story to tell – a problem they must all face – with the smallest chance of change. For Scott, as the song ends, the subway set is turned around quickly to face the front. Scott steps off of the subway. Lights blackout on everyone. Everything is soon to change for the characters, and that is the story behind the song. Grand curtain closes. End of Act One.

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catherinespark avatar General Stranger

April 22, 2008

catherinespark

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catherinespark reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

I remember reading this in the queue a while ago, is this the revised version?

I recall how interesting the concept of this inner-city musical seemed at the time (which not to say the concept has dwindled in enjoyment since I last read).

Melanie and Amy’s dialogue flows rather well and they spar of each other with a nice little kinetic energy. The humour is very well done, and the fact it is set in the Broadway setting lends it a classical quality.

It reads like part tribute, part early work from a future theatre writer/director. Its ambitions are evident from the off. I really appreciate the humour in this revision as well. As far as I remember, it has been beefed up and runs a little crispness.

I can imagine the music from the dialogue. It has a lyrical quality to it that lends itself to rhythm!

Catherine Spark

Dreamland avatar General Stranger

April 10, 2008

Dreamland

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Dreamland reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item

What a fantastically original screenplay…

I love Melanie and Amy’s characters – fantastically written. Amanda’s character was a little off for me…her dialogue was a bit cardboard in the initially introduction of her character. Does Casey know Amanda personally? If so her name would realistically be shortened to Mand or Mandi(Mandy).

I would love to read the lyrics to the songs and for some odd reason I could see a bit of STOMP happening in there too…maybe my mind is getting too lost in the screenplay.

Fantastic – can’t wait to read more :D

Rylan avatar General Stranger

March 31, 2008

Rylan

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Rylan reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

I really liked this screenplay, the characters, particularly Scott, were really fun to read.  Do you have the songs written for this?  If you do, and you included them, I think it’d really strengthen the piece….other than that, the only thing I saw was that I thought things were moving a little fast between Scott and Amanda…that is to say, the part where she offered he could stay in her house seemed a little forward, but maybe that’s just me….overall it was really good, and original. I enjoyed reading it, thanks for posting!

—Rylan

mark_93 avatar General Stranger

March 24, 2008

mark_93

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mark_93 reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

Very good, especially the ending where the girl gets shot. I enjoyed it but i’m not the ultimate authority on screenplays. good job.

IrisLilian avatar General Stranger

March 18, 2008

IrisLilian

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IrisLilian reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

What an interesting story! I think you have a great idea of a man that spends most of his life time on a public transportation. You have made a very good point on the man that he has avoided and tries to escape from the people from above. The overall story is great. But I think you should pay more attention to when you should reveal the characters’ names. Keep up with the good work!

marshmellotoast avatar General Friend

March 10, 2008

marshmellotoast

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marshmellotoast reviewed Version 2 - Read 100%% of the Item
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VoicesInMyHead avatar General Stranger

March 09, 2008

VoicesInMyHead

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VoicesInMyHead reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

I love this piece especially how you started the piece with scott and then moving to the Amanda and amy on the train. I didn’t care for Amy’ character because I didn’t think it did anything to enhance the piece. Amanda’s character was very strong and I love her tenacity in going after Scott trying to get that interview. I also love her relationship with her coworker which I found to be more interesting than the one with her friend. I didn’t like how the piece ended. It just felt to me that you need to end it and so it ended. I want to see the relationship between scott and Amanda developed and how their friendship would have manifested. I think you have a powerful piece and some very good characters who are enhanced because of the strong voice that you gave them. Overall I loved the piece.

Alice_Headband avatar General Stranger

March 06, 2008

Alice_Headband

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Alice_Headband reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

What a jolly charming endeavour! I don’t believe I have ever seen the transcript for a music before, and not just on this site :)

Without the songs, of course there is an integral part missing, however the actual dialogue bouncing back and forth is witty and well observed. For a writer of your years you show an impressive insight into the minds of your characters. The mechanics of their relationships are what interest you… this was rather akin to Woody Allen’s musical film “Everyone Says I Love You.”

Thoroughly engaging work… technically very impressive and the layout is superb too.

Alice

Mikhail_S avatar General Stranger

March 06, 2008

Mikhail_S

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Mikhail_S reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

I like the musical genre, it is expressionistic and can tell you so much about so many things… outside the realm of literature.

I would love to hear the songs… I found your ragbag of American characters, assorted delinquents and aspirational types, to be of most interest to me given I am from Russia. I know it might be second nature to you but the teenage accent is brilliant!

You write songs? I like to hear them. They on the internet? Can I get a link?

Scott managing to articulate feelings to Amy was a touching moment!

GREAT WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MIKHAIL

PeanutButter avatar General Stranger

March 04, 2008

PeanutButter

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PeanutButter reviewed Version 2 - Read 100% of the Item

Dude this was really nice.  At first my attention wavered, but as I kept reading I was hooked.  I even got upset at the end.  You didn’t put it in here, but it seams like the songs keep the story going.  I hate musicals that stops the whole story just for a song and dance number, its almost as bad as Family Guy.  Although it seams that your songs kept the story moving.  The only thing I can suggest is that Scott seams a little fake.  I mean he’s been on the train I get that, but the question “How does he survive?” kept popping up.  I mean he has to get off to take a leak and bathe right?  Thus getting out of the train shouldn’t be as big a deal as him walking up the steps into the Lower East Side.  Other then that this was really good.  Keep it up.

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mikeyb91

Age: 17
Loc: Slidell, LA
Gen: M
Last Login: November 12
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17 Reviews 4 Comments
Version 2
Latest Activity: 6 months ago

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Version 2
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