could you please point out the spelling and grammar? My program shows me no problems except for names.
Non-fiction / Thing for ???
I have been staring at my computer for an hour trying to decide exactly what I want to say. I put this off almost every day. My desire has finally overcome my fear so here goes everything.
What do I intend to study? That is an easy one for me; I want to study psychology for it is my main interest. I learned long ago that nothing is as valuable as a good therapist and that is what I want to be.
I grew up in an abusive, fatherless home only to have my mother die when I was twelve. I quickly went from battered to neglected, and so I became an alcoholic teenage runaway. I dropped out of high school due to complete boredom and went to Job Corps where I got my GED at the age of sixteen. I started college at seventeen because I was homeless and financial aid paid for campus housing. I was less interested in attending classes than in being left alone. I was young and rebellious, especially when I found out that I was spending money on sporting events that I would never attend. It got on my nerves and led me to reject most formal requirements such as attendance and although I turned in my assignments, it seemed more of an expensive high school than an education. Since I hated high school on general principles (I was the weird kid nobody liked)I gave it up when I got pregnant at eighteen. After leaving Adams State I went through more homelessness and life altering decisions to sober up and place my unborn child for adoption.
I have since struggled with self mutilation, attempted suicide and eating disorders. I was in a nasty marriage for five years, had three kids and returned to school for a semester, this time at a satellite campus of Eastern Arizona. I loved it, my grades were excellent and I didn’t have to deal with homecomings or other ridiculous distractions. The class time was minimal and because my attendance was shaky due to my family obligations, I was allowed to make up time with essays and projects. I only took four classes in order to get a feel for it and semester two had a heavier load. I was excited. My ex has a habit of violating restraining orders, however, and I wound up in a safe house in Colorado forcing me to withdraw from my second semester after a few short weeks. All the while I was struggling to make sense of myself.
Over the past thirteen years, I have been to see a total of nine therapists that could not help me. One of them committed suicide and the others were impossible to relate to or. About a year ago I met one who could understand easily and I finally got an accurate diagnosis and helpful treatment. I have D.I.D. While not fully integrated, I have come to the point of co-consciousness and acceptance. I no longer lose time and I view my alters and myself as a well organized company. It works for us and we are finally at a point where we can move forward in a healthy way.
I have lost parents, children, friends and myself. I want to help others with their struggles because I can understand them and I hate to see people suffer. Now that I have begun my life long journey of healing, I have been sent on a mission. Quest sounds more fun, let’s go with that. A quest. I volunteered for a few months in a Domestic Violence Advocate’s office, took a few courses on anger management and domestic violence as well as participating in a twelve step program for substance abuse. The information was interesting and the other people in those groups gave me great insight and helped to push me in this direction. I want to finish school and become a licensed counselor in order to meet my goals of helping others and living a fulfilling and meaningful life in a position I have a passion for.
That is how we got to this point. The woman treating my children’s PTSD (also my former therapist) suggested that I look into this program. After hearing about her personal experience and reading all I could about it, I was sold. I have always had a passion for learning and it has been mostly self-directed. I spend hours in the library and online studying whatever captures my interest. There are days when I sit in the park and watch people for hours on end, trying to understand why they do what they do. I find I learn best that way, and I love to see speculate about their behavior. I know, it sounds weird, but I love observation.
I plan to approach this from a geographical, historical, scientific, statistical, and perhaps a little bit of theoretical standpoint. It sounds like a lot, but it also sounds exciting.
I want to go beyond Pavlov and conditioning for a more in depth look at the mind. I intend to study the various theories set down by others such as Freud, Maslow and Jung. While the history and foundation of psychology is interesting and helpful, I do not wish for it to dominate my studies but supplement them. I want to pick them apart to find that which is useful in today’s society. They definitely make a helpful place to start.
I want to learn about the development of the psyche from childhood to old age and how genetics as well as experience shape us. I also want to learn about the chemical aspects of behavior. One of the most interesting books I have seen is The Molecules of Emotion and I would like to look at that further. Dreams, while they can be vague and sometimes frightening, also hold a key to self and I would like to see what role they play. This is obviously not an exact science, but it is one that I feel is important to look into.
I am interested in the way different cultures affect one’s perception of and interaction with the world. I want to go through the geographical regions of the U.S. to study how lifestyle, gender, race, income, sub culture, etc. all effect (or don’t) mental health, disease and treatment. I want to be able to see if there are possible risk factors in certain areas and if they can be contained as well as that which can not reasonable be predicted. This nation has great diversity and I feel that it is essential to understand these things. . I want to see how groups are affected by major events. For examples: How has 9/11 affected the overall mental health of US citizens and are there major differences depending where you live? What were the effects of the civil war or depression?
Eventually, I will want to study the different mental health disorders and types of treatments.
Since I am an avid reader, I will probably devour and analyze any book that comes my way. My children fascinate me and so I want to spend time watching other children to see how they develop and learn from each other through social interactions, recording my observations in a journal. When they are finished, I’ll probably review and tie them together in a research paper. I plan on drawing my own conclusions and may argue my points against those of previous masters in an argumentative essay. I had an unfortunate experience that involved sitting for two hours every week while an instructor read the text verbatim. I started to ask questions and it irritated the man. I don’t think he likes me very much, especially since I asked when we would be having a discussion on the Freemasons. C’est La Vie.
In my mind, we are all perpetual students and no one in infallible, therefore no one idea is foolproof. I will probably use myself as a guinea pig at some point and analyze my personal dreams and history to see how well I understand that which I have learned as well as experienced. Finally, since I love to color so much, I will probably create diagrams and maps of any statistical findings and compare them to the work of others. I want to approach my education with not only science and history, but intuition and an open mind. The world is constantly changing and so are its people. I want to be able to help them the best that I can without relying solely on the information of others. Flexibility, you know.
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groovieknave reviewed Version 6 -
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teaddub reviewed Version 6 -
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M_Bevis reviewed Version 6 -
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“History has a habit of shaping the present and is therefore an important subject to be acquainted with.”
Very prescient, and insightful. you start off a bit rocky, but really come into your own halfway through the piece. You obviously seem as if you are doing this for the right reasons, and the profession needs more people like you.
This might be tough for some of the more academic-minded to read, as it is slightly raw and unpolished, but I love the way that you make no bones about your life and where it has led you.
I also like the way that you made it clear that you are hungering for a better understanding, and not just a job.
I wish you much prosperity in your chosen path.
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LadyMactans reviewed Version 5 -
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I would definitely go back and do a technical review before you send this in because I noticed several spelling and grammar mistakes. I would also either tone the beginning down, explain the events a little more smoothly and/or lead the reader into those parts of your life a little more slowly. I realize they are important to your piece, especially considering what you’re applying for, but to have them so condensed in a one-after-the-other form at the very beginning is a little intense and could have a negative effect. The chronology of events gets a little confusing at times, too and I think if you explained the main events a little more (not so much as to make this really long, mind you, just enough so some things make more sense) and gave the reader a bit more background it would be easier to read. As far as everything else goes the only thing I would really say is that you don’t need the little “I know it sounds stupid” or “I know this might be weird” kind of disclaimers. You want to sound confident (though not cocky). Good luck.
NovemberDisaster reviewed Version 5 -
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I think that this would make a good thesis or letter of intent.I can understand where you are coming from though, I have seen many Doctors and I only found one who really understood me. I could not find anything that stands out to me that would be wrong with this writing. I think that there was smooth transitions between paragraphs and you didnt dwell too much on anything other then the fact that you want to take psychology classes.You gave a good history of yourself and used good examples on why you chose that as a career.Good writing!
clayton115 reviewed Version 5 -
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It is good don’t get me wrong but you are rushing it. Put some flashbacks in there to keep readers entested longer. It is good but like I said to another person, it feels like I am reading an essay. I gave you an 8 for not having examples, instead you put things like “I plan” or “I used to.” Try something like: I used to go to the mall all the time but got bored with it a few months back. THEN say this: There was this one time which I will never forget. Jessica actually spilt a moca cola on her new blouse she just bought!
Good luck on improving your story!
-Clayton-
gemglitter reviewed Version 5 -
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Straight off the bat, I think this is an encouraging piece. Your begining, I don’t think fits in for an acceptance letter to a college. If this was an actual story, where the dialog doesn’t have to be so formal it would work. I do believe that you showed how your life experience has led you to your decision. However, I think a brush up here and there would be usefull. I think my have line in this piece is “In my mind, we are all perpetual students and no one in infallible, therefore no one idea is foolproof.” If you could figure out how to use this in the begining of your piece it would work even better.
duelingrose reviewed Version 5 -
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I can understand where you’re coming from, but this feels more like a journal entry than an admissions paper.
Try including some descriptors about your disorder, not just the acronym. Spell out the name and underlying attributes that would make it a disorder and not something most of us have to deal with on a daily basis.
There is very little to the “what/how” aspect of your study. Try to make this outshine your statement about dropping out of high school.
specjalista reviewed Version 4 -
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impossible to relate to or. About
who could understand easily—Instead I would say who could understand me
I am a current social worker in a masters program, and I suggest that you not state that you fell head over heals in love with a program, or that you are terrifed of not being accepted. Both these statements wreak of instability, and I personally would be cautious of someone who made such statements if they were trying to counsel people.
I love the word fantastic….moving on.—Statements such as this one make your essay seem informal and unprofessional. I noticed several in your essay, and suggest that you remove them as they are superfluous and call into quesiton your maturity.
To be honest I would use this as a rough draft and draw ideas from it for my personal statement. Personal statements are extremely important when applying for graduate programs, and although more important when you are hoping to work in mental health. I would try to come across as more professional, and try to be less tangential and more focued. In addition try to maybe include some previous accomplishments and be more specific about particualr subjects that interest you to show that you are capable of understanding such knowledge.
Good luck
cfbraun reviewed Version 4 -
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Easy writing style. There is a sense of humor in there somewhere. Your comments about observation really stuck to me. The head over heals in love comment lead me off in the wrong direction. I thought you were talking about the counselor and you were in fact referring to the career field. Right? May want to change the wording a bit. Thanks for sharing.
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