Thanks. However, I beg you, as most writers here will agree, PLEASE do not overuse quoting. We know our own work. All you needed to do is, “you undress me… hmm?” That is 4 words in comparison to 53 words of my own poem!? Please be considerate with other writer’s credits.
Poetry / THE EDGE OF FLIRTATION
Even now,
I try to picture your face in my mind,
Yet I cannot.
And, bending closer to serve your coffee, I wonder why have I not noticed
before today that your eyes shine the richest, deepest, chocolate brown?
I have been lost, distracted, and misdirected, and I would apologize, though, it’s
more than likely you have not noticed me in the way I have most recently and
absolutely without question, noticed you.
Encourage me,
Perhaps with only the smallest of smiles
Directed my way.
Speaking of which, I also ask why have I not noticed before
today that your smile shimmers on the edge of flirtation?
In all probability I was stranded on the moon, for what excuse could I possibly
use that would explain my lapse of clarity while in the presence of your
enveloping aura, your scent of woodsy nutmeg with a hint of ginger, the warm
masculinity of your hand surrounding mine as you shake me from my
self-imposed neglect.
Oh, dear. What a surprise.
I must breathe.
A task requiring deep concentration when you’re near,
Else I may faint.
Would that event not give you a clue as to my newfound, secret
feelings for you?
Yes, stirring feelings that have erupted from a previously unknown molten core
and left me aflame with desires more fitting of a wanton goddess of love resulting
in my current, wonderfully weakened state.
I’m reborn,
Soft and giddy to the point of popping,
Yet I shall not.
Am I not in control of my person, except, it seems, for the lack of feeling in my
legs, and a heart which has chosen to beat a wild, unsyncopated, jungle-like
rhythm?
As you walk towards me now it is uncomfortably evident that oxygen is not
reaching the higher atmosphere surrounding my brain. I shall, however, play the
distant, cool and aloof, mature female that I am until… what was that you said?
“Red is definitely your color.” Oh, sweet flattery! I smile and joyfully respond,
“Oh, really, thank—”, only to look down and realize I wear a black and beige
plaid jumper.
Even now,
I feel you brush past me and I turn to see
You approach her.
And I ask, how have I not noticed before today the uncanny physical development
of my cousin, the redhead in the voluptuously perky red dress standing barely
two meters behind me?
As I recoil to make my way unobtrusively back to the lukewarm cup of tea
waiting at the little table in the dusty corner of my very own café, I decide that I
will make a hasty return to the cold, calculated character necessary to oversee
operations of such a place of business. First however, I feel the overwhelming
need to be informed of current world events so I nonchalantly open the daily news
and discover I must feign interest as I am reminded again of the resolution I
promised to make on New Year’s Eve—
From now on, I shall remember to wear my glasses.
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jadedpoet reviewed Version 2 -
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fun, warm lovable wording, very nice work!
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VioletL reviewed Version 2 -
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I agree, this is not poetry, but it is delightful. In the first stanza, I think the YET should be a BUT.
Blue reviewed Version 2 -
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I liked this a lot. You capture and draw out multiple emotions from the reader which is very impressive.
“you undress me with your eyes, it is clear oxygen no longer permeates the atmosphere surrounding my brain. I am abuzz, atremble, fingers quiver as I strive clumsily, I fear, to smash down stubborn wisps of hair that surely sprout from the most incongruous locations of my head and -- my, you smell good, er -- hmm?”
This was my favorite paragraph as it captures comedy but keeps us grounded in your overall theme and feelings.
B_HDouglas reviewed Version 2 -
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I respect someone who can write an explicit love poem like this. Keep it. I gained from my own sense of anatomy the things that couldn’t be said in school did actually happen? It was the frustration about dealing with too much to actually get a date with this guy that made certain ideas flow with rapturous visualization through my mind. Great job! I like how it could have been anywhere, at any time, but not with just any one. I like how it was your coffee shop, and your crush, your passions, and none of the others had an excuse if you will. Keep it real! Doug.
PhotoWriter reviewed Version 2 -
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I appreciate the intent and message that the author exhibited here, but I could not venture passed a message little short of desparation. The title, The Edge of Flirtation, is appropriate and aa bit more significant than the poem itself.
Flirtation would seem to have a more mischievious and/or happy intent than the message that was given here.
I would encourage the writewr to consider a more gallant or playful approach where possible.
MistyMix reviewed Version 2 -
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Some really fantastic images. Really impressive. You invite all of the senses in with your images which I find is difficult to do. My only suggestion would be that some of your sentences are quite wordy distracting from these great images. Maybe cutting them down still keeping the sharp image without all of the added words. There are several parts that stand out, but I laughed out loud at this part, “What? A shortbread biscuit for you today?” (TAKE ME NOW! TAKE ME HERE!). ”One moment,” as I glide gracefully in my wonderfully weakened state to fetch said biscuit, and tingle with anticipation on returning to your side where I can only stand and… watch your mouth as… you bite into the… (Gah!).” Wonderful work!
sreed98 reviewed Version 2 -
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I thoroughly read your piece. You clearly described a woman interested in a man and kept it clean. To be exact, “the heated masculinity of your hand surrounding mine as you thaw my—oh, dear…
I must breathe,” leaves the reader to their imagination and assume what she really is thinking.
Although the style isn’t exactly poetry the humor comes fully through. Keep up the good work.
ItsaScotta reviewed Version 2 -
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I reviewed this, I thought. I wrote that I totally identified with it, it being one of the best I’ve read on here. I mentioned being confused at the end. Was he covetting his cousin all along? I wrote a lot about it.
Did you not get the review?
ShadowHeadley reviewed Version 2 -
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You sound, to blatantly put it, horny. I like how you have the base of the poem and then the underlying truth, whispering its way to the reader, comical yet serious, and great composure.
authorkat reviewed Version 2 -
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Quite a lively, vibrate and romantic piece of poetry here. Loved the play with words and excitement displayed in each moment of thought. One can only question the depth of our imagination when confronted with emotion. I offer no criticism for this was an excellent write!
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