Poetry / New Wave

wow, I really like this poem.  

I can really only think of one suggestion and that is to use more concrete imagery.  Maybe like, what kinds of seeds? (speaking of the ending I love it P.S.)  Or how/where do you wake?  Something about strip pool or slave time?  I don’t want to take away anything from the poem, I realize it’s supposed to be simple but it’s concrete images, colors, and sounds that audiences cling to and fall in love with.  Despite saying that I still think this poem is amazing.

I’m not really sure how the title fits in to the poem. I understand it’s a new way to look at things, but where does wave come into themes in the poem?  Is there some way that you could tie this new experience to flowers to bring it full circle by the time we reach the ending?    

The contradiction of the expected in the first two lines is also fabulous.  Usually following “I wake- you are not here” one would expect a sad line to follow, veeerrry niiice.  

~Z.Brook      

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February 14, 2008

by mollyp

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No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
180	84.3% (70 votes)	35.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
54	F	Elgin, IL	November 02

Wow! Thank you for the great review! You gave me some great insight and I did a new version. I still see it needs work.

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typo, befor=before
put a consistent spacing between the – and words in L5 and 6.

The strip pool and teaching not to be shy clashed with me in this piece.

I read the tunnels as metaphors for the sheets since he was gone and you were in bed.  But I also thought that could have been made a tad clearer maybe through a tie in in another line.  This has promise, I did like.

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February 14, 2008

by mollyp

personal info reviewer stats

No. of Reviews	Overall Quality	Comment Followup
180	84.3% (70 votes)	35.1%

Age	Gender	Location	Last Login
54	F	Elgin, IL	November 02

The strip pool and slave time tie in with the imagination and shy. I realize this is pretty forward.,but I want the reader to see how it plays into the whole piece. I have updated a new version, but I see I have more polishing to do. Thank you for you insightful review.

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