Why thank you RR
Poetry / At Your Wedding
Walking beside you
arm through mine,
she is a woman now and you
Remember where you met.
Standing alongside her husband
you look and marvel at the miracle
that brought her to this altar and
Pull the fragments of memories from your mind.
Holding her in the crook of my arm
Rocking her in the night
Protecting her from that old frog
Steadying her on the first bike
Cheering her first “A”
Holding her with her first bruise
Watching her first ballet
Staying up late on the first date
Feeling her first heartbreak
Aching inside when she fell ill
Suddenly you look
and you remember in a flood of
happy sadness all of the
life you poured into this woman
And you remember
And hope that she does
And will cherish as you do
Remembering where we met.
You need to log in to urbis or create an urbis account to review this writing.
Reviews
Sort Reviews by Newest | Oldest | Highest Quality | Lowest Quality | Newest Comments |
GreenIguana reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I enjoyed this poem.
My main comment: “remembering where we met” doesn’t jibe with the rest I think. I mean you met your daughter in the hospital where she was born…I think? I don’t think “met” is the right verb. Also the subject is missing in the sentence “Pull the fragments of memories..” Is it you that’s doing the pulling? Most of the time, grammar helps expression in poetry.
- add/view comments (1)
RhapsodyRead reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Congratulations on the wedding! I truly loved this poem. It flows well, and the themes of parting, memories and happiness are woven together artfully.
RunningWolf reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Only thing I could critique, is to change the 4th line, where to when. but that is in the eye…or the word of flow
Outstanding piece
MrEff reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Something about this made it seem very genuine…possibly the reviewer notes. Perhaps “and now…will always” could be worked into the poem.
My only criticism: it’s hard to tell who “you” is. The groom? The reader?
Waldo_Pharce reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
I understand this because I have two daughters that are married. Fortunatly both husbands are very fine men. I think it goes without saying that she will remember where you met. I think maybe you should change the form in which this is written. The uneven number of lines in one stanza bothers me.
shamanfox reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
The 3rd Stanza is the most honest, real, visual. I was confused at the “you” in the first Stanza, as well as the last. Who the “you” was. Is it a first person, her husband, or ? You switch to “my” so the 3rd was clear. You show true emotion, and I love that.
tildesk reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
awwwww. wow. That is amazing. I miss my father (he died 9 yrs ago). Great work.
Dtox reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
well wrote. Espescially as an on sight write. This piece works well because it’s reall easy for most people to relate. Keep up the good work.
jenny reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
A heart-warming poem of memories to be treasured. What a lovely reminder of the warmth of a parents love. Great job.
Protagoras reviewed Version 1 -
Read 100% of the Item
Just some possible considerations:
It’s the third stanza that makes the piece. Really great. Touching even. The final line of the first stanza you use the word ‘you’ but it’s slightly unclear why you’ve used the second person. I think you mean it in a self-reflexive sense (you the author of the poem), but if that’s the case, i would use ‘i’ not ‘you’, othersiws it either sound slike the reader is being addressed (which doesn’t work given the nature of the piece), or the husband, which would conflict witht he ‘memories from your mind’, since those are your memories.
I’d shift ‘in a floof of’ onto the next line, and end that line atr ‘sadness’. This is because ‘remember’ and ‘sadness’ are the key words in that region, so try to end the line on them. After that rearrangement i’d also begin a new line at ‘into’, as, again, ‘poured’ is a good one to end on.
I’d inject another ‘you’ (but i think it should be ‘i’ as discussed earlier) before ‘hope’ on final stanza second line. i’d also inject a ‘too’ after ‘she does’
I’m still unclear with the ‘remembering where we met’, as this again seems like it can’t be you with your daughter, as it seems a very formal way, i.e. to ‘meet’ one’s daughter. But if it is the hsuband, then this conflicts with the other elements, as he doesn’t have those memories. I;m guessing you mean where yoou and your daughter met, therefore, but find that to be too formal a reference.
This aside, great poem though; very poignant.
7.9/10
Showing 1 - 10 of 19
Next →
Review item
Add to favesCreator
Relevant Links
Ratings & Rankings
