maybeimkansas's profile
AGE:
23
LOC: Indianapolis, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 21
LOC: Indianapolis, IN
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: July 21
I like the color blue, dancing like a skank, roadtrips, and loud music.
Last summer I finished my first (ever) chapbook (what I’ve written since then you can read here: http://maybeimkansas.blogspot.com/ )- and now I am working on my second.
I like being actively literate (and I like other people who are actively literate- and I’m not talking about shit you read for class once in high school- or college). My current favorites include Rick Moody’s The Black Veil; Saul William’s The Dead Emcee Scrolls; Rebecca Walker’s Black, White and Jewish; and Ovid’s Metamorphosis.
Regardless of my recurring inconsistencies, I am constantly under construction- learning and unlearning all things anew. Right now I am trying to appreciate eve…
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Items
Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
Drinking in starshine I am writing my last will and testament. Leaving pieces of my abdomen and extremities piecemeal to the farmlands and summer storm systems. To you, I leave my fingers and still pedicured toes, for I am striving for no moderate allowances of love, heartbreak and longing, when I leave you. I will depart this corner of my earth and impress only images of wasted kisses and arrogance to no one and everyone in particulate. I’m not these few years that I have lain here fallow fo...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
11 Reviews
0 Comments
I no longer believe in the veracity of love songs. They have lied to me one time too many and I am jaded by their lingering forevers that never ring true for me in my very own wasteland of ship-wrecked relations. I am sailing solo through under-charted waters with nothing but old sea dirges in my head, I will sing them fervently adrift-ing aimless, and a worn map and tattered mast lain out before- I will tie myself in knots with jute cord and reinforce my heart with razor wire. I will be impe...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Every one is moving to California this year or the year after next. I’ll be cruising up and down the East coast of the Jordan looking for my own flea market sold salvation, singing ‘Oh Jerusalem’ songs a half tone off-key. I am my own hypertonic Germany cautiously anxious, awaiting my 1990 reunification. I lie stillborn in my tepid bath water looking for the tonic to my unresolved chord I am bleeding out and bleeding anew. And you’ll learn to dance the Charleston on my unmarked grave. Please ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
0 Comments
My fingers are a little bit rusty on your skin. I am afraid I’ll mar its perfection with my calloused, auburn hands- So I am dancing my way to a more comfortable position, verbally and deftly- so maybe you won’t take notice. And I’ll hide my arms behind my back as I lie next to you. As I lie to you- my new vocabulary feels full, up, to the brim of words I’ve never used so it might then weep them onto the clean, hardwood floor when the faucets have been left on. I, too, am overflowing. I am fi...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
5 Reviews
2 Comments
Keep you up all night and divine you and your over simplistic intentions- rewarding me with second-rate company and breakfast in bed- (my specialties are cereal and soy milk, half a grapefruit, too). And we, we’ll think ourselves both sexy for our morning’s smudg-ed eyeliner and collective curly mass of hair untamed. I’ll still sing you sunrise lullabies and we, we’ll sleep away our misdirected youth.
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Reviews
First, flowers have petals, not pedals. Your descriptions are very rich and enjoyable. However, I felt the way you wrapped the whole thing up was a bit simplistic. I wasn't sure after reading your description if you were attempting to go more toward poetry or short story, either way, this is a great jump start.
I think this is a very good beginning to a novel. The complexity and construction was well thought out, though I felt the end (where you were explaining the Shadow King and his "Hunts") was a bit stilted. It was also odd that you changed the person to whom the prophecy was directed - first it was general, and then it became directed at the child- you might want to pick one or the other. This is a great effort, though, I would be interested to see more.
Your imagery and word choices are wonderful. I really enjoyed the read. The only thing I question is whether or not you might be able to re-word the "Maybe we could talk or maybe count the stars" line. The use of maybe twice in one line seemed a bit much. All in all, it was a wonderful piece.
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
I would have loved to see you extend the idea of your fingertips desiring contact with skin into the next line. I really enjoyed the image, though. I also really enjoyed the idea of mindless melodies and reality standing still for a while while in the early ecstasy of relationships. I think this is a good jump start on a poem, I think you might want to rethink some of your phrasings, because they were a bit odd, for example: standing ten feet in distance from me -- it is just slightly redunda...
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