I love your attention to detail here, you paint the picture wonderfully: it's like being inside your head for a little while. I especially love the lines "terror embeds under my nails". I'm not sure if the "icare" lack of a space was intentional but it was a nice effect.

I loved this story, I wasn't sure what to make of this being read outloud to a camera, but it gave it an iteresting effect, and it also helped visualize the peice much better. I'm not sure what the point of the balaclava was if she had already seen his face and could easily identify him later, unless he planned to rape her in public which wouldn't make much sense. So maybe you could clean up a little on the messy details. Otherwise, it was a great peice.

Kay. I have to say that the title was so cliched I was compelled to see if anything else had any new ideas: hate to be the one to say it, but you did you told an old story the same as we've all heard it before. Don't get me wrong here: it's not a horrible story to tell, as we all can connect, but we want to hear it in a diffrent way. Have you ever heard of A Fine Frenzy? I don't know if you'd like them or not: but their lyrics to "Almost Lover" are a perfect example of the outside-the-box-ish...

Writing as I go: sorry if I'm disorganized: the first line and the rest of the paragraph condradict themselves. Maybe say there was darkness except for... You're going for something little kids often dream about in the 2nd paragraph, which you did well at by giving us something not cliched to add to our beautiful thoughts of Mother Nature. ("spending her time dancing within the confinements of the stars.") I think you are describing the pains a writer feels by not having an emotional outlet w...

Some of the sentences in here have really great images attached to them: "...as if waiting...settler." "it smelled delicious and earthy" "several generations since..." But the majority of the sentences are not very well written and hard to follow. A great tip to clean up your writing is to keep things simple. Your job as a writer is to say as much in as little words as possible and to make your writing as clear as possible. I think the story is worth telling, because it's obvious that you hav...

I love the imagery with "hollow shell". The only advice I have is since the rest f the haiku is talking about the skin that's already been shed you might concider changing the last line to "shedded insect skin"

Things that should be changed first: I think the first two paragraphs should be combined. In my opinion, the "oh shit maybe" you're referring to is less of a wide-eyed yelp and a little more of a cringing queasiness. Keep in mind that punctuation is just as important as word choice. I think the first two sentences in paragraph three should be reduced to "Initially I tried to calm her fears." The excess distracts from the point you are trying to come to. I really like the Aisle of Humility sec...

I think it was clear it was a computer, who shops on the TV? And dumping inner thoughts and feelings... But then again I might have thought differently if not for the notes to reviewers. My suggestion is to repost it and simply ask what the reader was thinking about while they read it. I'm interested to see if I would have been confused.