i think is has potential. i don't like the "these are the colors of pain, melancholy, and madness." i think you should describe them as a color of one unified aspect. those words don't evoke a lot from me. however, your word choice is good and the flow. your poem catches my attention. it's very interesting. it makes me think. that's good.

the only part of this that i liked and made sense was the "like some goose on a suburban lawn". i don't think the dialogue makes much sense. i think mainly...its the end that confuses me. the rest is good...bu i think you should rethink the last two lines. because i don't know what is going on in this. its good...it just needs more work.

i like it. alot. its very originally thought out. also...anything slightly related to science fascinates me. but going back in time just to remember that you drink coffee. very interesting. and captivating.

okay...its definitely important that at this point, you begin with some action. the story is nice so far, very good descriptions...enough for me to see what i'm looking at. um...i think some of the lines are a little unesssary or cheesy and could be reworded. the line "it never dawned on us that no one from school was missing". i was thinking kids from years ago that fell in. so...say something that pertains to them being just urban myths or rumors. also, i have no idea who sonny, ralph, and ...

this was kinda plain. there was no life changing imagery...nor did the message blow me away. better could be done with your idea than this poem you use to convery it.

the first line was attention grabbing..but the rest confused me. and the last line was just cheesy. "wind changing" is an overused figure of speech. you can do better. think original. be original.

something's missing. the lines are all imaginative and fairly original except "piercing my soul". you lost me on that one. i think you should reconsider the spacing/structure. and your title could be more attention grabbing. the title is vital in a person even considering your poem. otherwise...you have talent.

as a quote. i don't care much for this. it didn't teach me anything. but as a poem..this could be good. people will complain that its too short...but its a good poem . a good description of a moment. make something slightly bigger from it. it has potential. just a few lines could make it amazing.

the syllables don't correlate.and i don't like the word slain. it doesn't fit. find another absurd word.

i like the "open your palettes". VERY creative. but your poem doesn't match up with the line. the rest is kind of "blah". if you're describing a season...you have to be super original. use descriptions that just come out of your mind. things no one's ever described fall as. like I personally would describe it as "bread crust". or "a red scented candle from hallmark". something weird..but so true.