I like this. I must find chapter one, and is there a prologue? The dialog between Mikomi and Suta is very natural and easy to follow. There's only one point which slightly confuses me. Who says "I've got lots of questions left."? Is it Suta? Because he never really asks any questions. If it's Mikomi, it should be on the next line. I liked the way he said "It just came out of me. And then they died." I can kind of assume he killed the three enemies, but he's disassociated himself with the acti...

This is interesting, but a bit of a slow read. The part where Balthazar is describing what will happen if he overindulges is funny. Maybe instead of saying it could happen, have him remember a time where it did happen. I like how vivid your descriptions are. I'd also like to actually see this character in the chapter, as I'd presume she's one of his guards. Wouldn't she have some dialog? The one problem I've noted with this is you overstate things, and repeat facts. You don't need to justify ...

I like the first chapter. It gives enough information without bogging down the narrative. I also like the foreshadowing with the "Enemy", and the idea that the dragonmen have something important up their sleeves. It's interesting that the events of the prophesy force the constellations into allignment. I like the shock Decarex feels as he realizes all their planning might have been for nothing, because the enemy is coming early. It's a little dry for a first chapter, but interesting enough to...

I like this, though I'm a little confused because I missed chapter one. Can I assume these people are werewolves? Marcus pretty much has to be, healing that fast. I wonder who six one six is, and why he is so important to these people. I liked the meeting. It gave me lots of things to be curious about, without being too frustrating. You have a good sense of dialog and pacing. The dialog at the end really puzzled me, the part where Matthias asks "Human?" "No sir, just wolf." Was that in the la...

Wow. This is excellent. I love the pacing, the narrator's voice, the premise, everything. The part about the pool full of diamonds dropping the value of diamonds to next to nothing was great. The fact that the narrator actually hesitates to save the world is both unbelievable, and tragically real. He's a great character, even if I'm not sure I like him. I wonder what would have happened if he did save the world. Would he have been a hero, a religious icon, like he expected? Or would someone, ...

Overall, this would make me keep reading. It's got enough detail to make me curious, without giving away too much. I didn't notice any glaring mechanical errors. Some of the sentences seem a little long, but not enough to hurt the flow of the story. I hope to read more of this soon, because it left me with many questions. What will the orb do? Who was the traveler? What is the craftswoman trying to make? What is the challenge that faces this world?

This is lovely, as both a poem and a prayer. I like the rhythm and rhyme scheme, it's soothing. The line "Having passed through life's final test" might fit better without the word "through". I'm not sure why, it felt jarring to me. The tone changes slightly with "But hold me here..." I like the shift, the idea of the dead pausing to give a little peace to those left behind.

I definitely want to know where you're going with this one. The idea of renting out a few days of your life is fascinating. I'd love to see more of this society. What is the wall? How great is the divide between rich and poor? How far in the future is it, or is this an alternate dimension? And what is the revolution the fairy woman (I'm assuming that's her on the phone) mentions? What happened over those three days? Some of the dialog was hard to follow, but I think you give enough clues. It ...

It's a little wordy. I had to read it a few times to follow. There is some truth to the notion, though. Maybe use a word other than "embellishment". It really only means "lie", or "exaggeration". You used the word "poem" for what poets do, maybe use "writing" or "stories" in place of embellishment.

This has potential, and I'd read it if published. The opening paragraph is good. It tells the reader a lot about the characters without too many words. It's not too dialog heavy, and there's some solid descriptions. The only problem I noticed was a few typos. "piss of", for example, should be "piss off". Nothing serious, but I thought I'd point it out. Also, one little thing seemed unrealistic. The king had someone hung for peeing on a public road? Jailed, maybe, or punished somehow, but exec...