Nice piece. I would think about dropping "hearing the" from line 2 but it's just a suggestion. Clean and straight to the heart of it. I really felt the moment.

A funny piece. I very much enjoyed your word usage and you turn a pretty phase. Definitely made me smile. You could perhaps, instead of just two seasons - tourist and non - in your intro, play on 3 or 4. The winter birds, summer kiddies, and the peace between. It was just a thought. I visit FL quite a bit and the Jan vs July tourists seem night and day, like winter and summer. I thought the last line of the second paragraph seemed a little awkward. It doesn't read as fluidly as the rest. Over...

Nice piece. Quick, funny, good dialogue. I especially liked the rhthym of the conversation. I searched for something constructive to suggest but found nothing lacking. Very witty. Oh, good luck with the Porsche.

Angst is always a great inspiration for any song. I like the line about treason. I guess by your comment it's already been recorded but if I may suggest, in the vein of the urbis purpose, a couple things. First, Line 4 seems a little awkward. Rather than "I caught you in another lie" perhaps you could use "just another line." Also, the last line before the chorus...do you mean your head or her head? With the previous lines, it seems like the voices in your own head would affect your doubts ab...

I love the concept and the metaphor is great. I just don't know about the word reports. In Haiku's each word is so vital. I just wonder if some other choice wouldn't be more powerful? It's just a thought. Keep writing.

I liked your piece. It was a stark critique of the pressures that today's weddings put everyone under. I understand as my wedding became more about what others wanted than maybe my husband and my wishes. My only issue is that its a touch on the bitter side. One of your goals was to warm a few hearts and this piece fails there. I am not trying to take away from your piece b/c I enjoyed its frank style but I'd think of rephrasing some parts if that is truly your goal. I think if you want to att...

Solid draft for a good story. In line 2 I don't necessarily think "thrived" is the right word choice. Maybe "writhed"? There are quite a few grammatical, possessive, and tense issues I'd edit for but I don't want to eat up credits pointing them out. Just re-read it line by line and you'll catch them. A little more character development would help the reader be more engaged. Overall, I think it has great potential. Good luck and keep writing.

I like the angle and think it has promise. Some grammar things... Line 2 no comma after "continues" and their is misspelled Line 3 use "artsy types:" Line 4 "discovered, I" Line 5 comma after "speak" Line 7 "stable. Her" and "feet; it" Line 8 "later, wheezing" Line 10 "article, Sara" Line 11 "That's right. A small" and "short-legged, bug-eyed" Line 12 "dog with the heart and soul of a canine many times my size and the attitude..." and "than" not "then" Line 13 "monkey's" and "walking, I" That...

I have no doubt that the antics of the character could be appealing to all age groups, I don't know that starting a young adult novel at this point would work. I would perhaps think about beginning at the adolescent age of the character with either a prologue or the first chapter then flashback to tell the whole story. If you are aiming for an adolescent reader, it might work best to present the main character as a peer before delving into his history.

A very nice contribution to the Urbis community. So many writers come here looking to publish and this is the first truly constructive advice I've seen here. I was wondering if it might be helpful if you included whether you yourself have been published before. Not that that is in any way the determination of your creative authority, but it might help the readers of your piece better accept your advice. Thank you again for a wonderful contribution to the Urbis learning environment.