this is really well written and entertaining. i think it could be tightened up a bit in the middle, it lags just a bit but overall a good read. customers can be pretty wierd, huh?

not sure about this one, not sure i've really gotten involved enough in the subject at hand to even care to read it again. there's a bit too much disjointedness and i've a feeling there's language that i'm not familiar with being used here. the writing is glib and is evidently written by someone who writes well but i'm not really sure where you're going here.

i sit here smiling, pensive after reading ( and re-reading)this poem and consider it a major benefit in having found this site. needs a few tweaks in the stanza beginning with 'the sun rises' to keep it more in line with the rest of the work but that's only my take and one made after only a second reading. i'll be looking for more of your work.

rather depressing, eh? esp on a winter morning. evocative, but the last line jars somehow.

i think you've done a lot of thinking on both sides rather than presenting a biased view. congratulations on coming to see what was happening so quickly, many of us waste a lot longer on such relationships. well written, esp in light of the personal nature of the piece. needs a bit of tightening in the middle, one or two paragraphs might be deleted or altered to save a feeling of repetition. also, a bit of editing, tense/number agreement, picky yes but it is a distraction for some readers.

this is a great story. it's well written and flows quite nicely. the characters are well delineated as are their interelationships. there's some minor editing here and there, nothing specatacular but... you also handled the dialogs quite well. bravo.

this is a good read. you make it easy visually for the reader with the spacing between paragraphs and you've done a great job at editing, proofing etc. i'll check into the previous chapters when i've more time but diving in to this one was pretty smooth, more credit to you. your characters are plausible and interesting. interesting how you've stripped away decorative prose to a hardly bare minimum and it works. does that make sense?

Nicely done. Good interaction between the two characters, they're drawn very well, despite the fact that there is no actual physical description, the mind's eye can see them as they work. The imagery of a carny after closing is also quite good, ie the smell lingering of roasted nuts. More could be done with this, I think. While the ending works, I was ready to read more and felt vaguely let down when I saw that the piece of over. More, please.:)

wow. neatly done and a real example of the amazing power of freewriting(which i am making the assumption you were doing here). it works quite well, starting with the winter outside and the feeling of being trapped inside, then the internal view of the steam from the dishes and on to the internal world and those characters awaiting your attention. and yes, the preceding sentence is seriously run-on but it makes the point even if in an unwieldy fashion. it is, also, a marvelous enticement for s...

interesting and yet hard to figure out how to review this. you are able to grab hold of the reader's attention, the email concept is clever but the reading is disturbing. the character skates above obsession and when she falls for breanne's spiel one wants to shake her for her gullibility. on an editing level, the middle of the work needs a bit of tightening up. you maintain interest quite well in the beginning and end however.