magnus's profile
AGE:
43
LAST LOGIN: August 22
LAST LOGIN: August 22
This user has not yet uploaded an urbis user description/profile.
Items
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
He huddled down deep in the trench, trying to ignore the stench of blood and shit, trying to compress his body, make it seamlessly fit into the join of wall and floor. The bombs kept falling, shrieking as they passed by his hole, roaring as they broke into a thousand, thousand pieces which flew at him, bright, hot, searing his skin. There were rats in the trench with him, fat with war, fur greasy, eyes sparking with fear at the noise and tumult. He was, oddly enough, happy to have them there ...
Version 1
5 Reviews
6 Comments
It was an old, ornate and oddly carved flask that jake discovered in the backroom of the house he had just bought. He thought that he had seen it all before he acquired this house. He'd been around the world several times investigating the occult and anthropological oddities and had seen an awful lot. Some of it amusing and just plain odd and some just plain awful. He had gotten to the point where he needed to rest up, become someone else, someone relaxed and at peace with himself. So, he jum...
Version 1
4 Reviews
1 Comment
It was dark out, no moon and the stars that coldly glittered overhead seemed only to make the darkness even more impenetrable. It was like a cloth was clinging to his face, blinding him, a smothering, cold and dank cloth. Why did he have to come here to this place on this night of all nights? What imp of the perverse directed him here and why did he not resist? He moved forward slowly, feeling his way through the cemetary, the tombstones vague light blurs in the darkness, wraithlike, taunting...
Version 1
6 Reviews
3 Comments
She came at night, when the air was still, and the only sounds were the rustle of small creatures and the mournful hooting of a solitary owl. Victor didn't know why she picked him, why she seemed to have set up a nocturnal vigil around him. She would float up against his window, tapping on the glass and asking for admittance. Sometimes she seemed an orphaned child, a waif with hollow, pain-filled eyes, skin blue with cold, her clothes in tatters; and she wrung his heart with pity. Sometimes s...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
interesting and yet hard to figure out how to review this. you are able to grab hold of the reader's attention, the email concept is clever but the reading is disturbing. the character skates above obsession and when she falls for breanne's spiel one wants to shake her for her gullibility. on an editing level, the middle of the work needs a bit of tightening up. you maintain interest quite well in the beginning and end however.
Deleted Item
wow. neatly done and a real example of the amazing power of freewriting(which i am making the assumption you were doing here). it works quite well, starting with the winter outside and the feeling of being trapped inside, then the internal view of the steam from the dishes and on to the internal world and those characters awaiting your attention. and yes, the preceding sentence is seriously run-on but it makes the point even if in an unwieldy fashion. it is, also, a marvelous enticement for s...
Nicely done. Good interaction between the two characters, they're drawn very well, despite the fact that there is no actual physical description, the mind's eye can see them as they work. The imagery of a carny after closing is also quite good, ie the smell lingering of roasted nuts. More could be done with this, I think. While the ending works, I was ready to read more and felt vaguely let down when I saw that the piece of over. More, please.:)
this is a good read. you make it easy visually for the reader with the spacing between paragraphs and you've done a great job at editing, proofing etc. i'll check into the previous chapters when i've more time but diving in to this one was pretty smooth, more credit to you. your characters are plausible and interesting. interesting how you've stripped away decorative prose to a hardly bare minimum and it works. does that make sense?
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People




