m_parker's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 16
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 16
the common purpose is my purpose. from a young age i have wanted to create brilliance. i am young and still have much to learn (oh god i sound like yoda) which is why i want to go university next year to study Creative Writing and Drama. i have successfully finished my first attempt at a novel, and am now striving to gain feedback from as many sources as i can find. science fiction and fantasy are my forte, though many of the ideas that flit through my brain are of other genres. i am very easy to get on with and will welcome any form of criticism.
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CHAPTER 6: EISSEL CUWYCAMB It is the year 3029, a time not many of us would dare to think about. The brittle walls of Vydirnor had been battered twice and twice more over the past six years and very few people lived. The wildlife grew frenziedly to an unprecedented and irretrievable level, so that not even the great garden birds of Gyrof Jungle would have been able to make even the slightest indent in the wall of shrubs and plants. But it need not matter anymore. The town had been deserted fo...
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It is, without doubt, the biggest day of the year so far. It is all that they’ve been going on about for the past three months. If I’m completely honest, I know little to nothing about what happened exactly. It’s one of those things that I’ll learn should I be fortunate enough to pass my Test. All I know is that exactly one hundred years ago, the implications of the event changed the world forever. So, getting up was certainly an interesting experience. The moment I felt my feet touch the ca...
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CHAPTER 4: HIODRA PARK The weekend had quickly arrived. Maddox was soon going to be attempting something he’d always wanted to do though had never before had the chance to do. He was going to fight. He glanced up at the clock impatiently. He still had an hour to wait, but he wanted to go now. Mum had deliberately spent a long time in the bathroom. Maddox knew how much his mother opposed this, but deep down, he knew that not even his own family could stop him doing this. At last, his mother ha...
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Version 2
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The Reign of the Callabo: War CHAPTER 1: THE BEGINNING OF THE END Thirty years ago, the year was 2994. In an area in distant space there were three planets: Mecana, Grelad and Sukama. My name is not important. Let me tell you the story of what happened to these three planets, that is important. It had been a normal day in Grand Kifton, the capital of Planet Mecana, nothing out of the ordinary. Commander Olarsic had been sitting in his office, tired but content, and sipping a drink of his own ...
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CHAPTER 2: THE NEIGHBOURHOOD OF MADDOX It is the year 3024, a time not many of us would dare to think about. It has been thirty years since the Planet Saphotrix was formed, a planet made up of the planets Grelad, Mecana and Sukama. A mighty blast caused the three of these planets to merge into one. The blast was never traced back to its sender. The planet is still mostly uninhabitable, for the dust caused by the blast has not yet passed. Though civilisation was not totally wiped out, and the ...
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Reviews
oh this was very good. i absolutely loved the metaphor that you used throughout. i think this tickled me because i too have a dog who experienced snow for the first time this year and her reaction was good to watch as well. my favourite bit was about the squirrel saving his nuts, as this can in fact be interpreted in more than one way. i thought it was brilliant.
well i am interested as to what your motives are to write the piece even though you've never had the disease. either way you've created a very realistic picture as to what it would be like for a bulimic. all i would say is that i may have found this in the wrong section. i don't know if you're planning to take this anywhere. if not then this is surely a short story rather than a young adult. this is just me being pedantic,it's not really a big point. i thought it was a very realistic piece. t...
well you weren't lying when you said it was a bit long but i manged to get to the end and i am glad i did. it was an excellent piece to read. all of your characters are very individual. one thing i would say is there is a slight lack of description on the appearance of your characters. for me personally, that would be an added positive. this has an air of the first lord of the rings to it. i particularly love the spirit character. this was whom i was most curious about. a little wordy perhaps...
you've painted a very bleak picture here. there is emotion in this piece which is always a good thing. the story has good potential but without meaning to cause offence, it had a shadow of the harry potter opening. the speech needs a little tidying up in its layout just to make things a bit easier for the reader. also i think some physical description of the characters would be beneficial. the one line that got my attention was ". . .decorating the precious metal, that could not be found anyw...
there is a little danger as to where this is going to go. you seem to have told the whole story in the first chapter. also, i feel that the dialogue is a little mundane and brief. you've decided to fit three years into just one chapter so it is understandable that the dialogue cannot be too in depth, but i didn't feel much emotion come from it, up until the last few lines. the revenge was good but the part that Billy played in it wasn't clear. he was Geoff's best friend and then all of a sudd...
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