lynnburks's profile Prolific-icon-large

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AGE: 48
LOC: Louisville, KY
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: December 08

I am a 47 year old wife and mother, living in Kentucky and trying to write.

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Version 1
1 Review   1 Comment
CHAPTER FIVE Upon arriving at Tracey’s as always we would head right for the kitchen. Aunt Loretta would be in there usually setting at the kitchen table with her cup of black coffee and pack of Kool Filter Kings cigarettes. The little back and white TV that sat on the counter would be tuned into her favorite “soap”. She would either be snapping beans or peeling onions or potatoes for dinner while she kept up on the latest antics of Erica Kane or some such popular character ...
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Version 1
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Chapter Three Murddock Jr. High School, I was twelve years old and scared to death. I mean elementary school was one thing. You got to stay in one class all day. With the same teacher and same classmates. You went to lunch together, you went to recess together. It was like one big family, you knew everybody and everybody knew you. Most of us had been in the same school together since the first grade, but now some of us were going to Jefferson Jr. High and some to Walden and some to Murddock....
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Version 1
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    In the house on the corner where the Jackson’s dwell, lives a big dog named Stan and a cat called Noel. The cat called Noel was a most clever sort. Not tricky and sneaky like their pet hamster Mort. Now Mort was the sort that would steal all their cheese. Steal all their cheese and never say please. He stole cheese for their salads, their soups, their main dishes. He stole all their cheddars, their munsters, their swisses. He stole all their cheese. Stole all their cheese ...
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Version 1
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Dear Ms. Einstein, Remember To Always, Always Say Please is intended to be the first in a series of Children’s books geared toward children ages 4 to 9. These books are designed to be layered with positive messages delivered in rhyme. The main focus of the books is to teach diversity and acceptance to the young reader. Synopsis The story revolves around the pets of the Jackson family. Their dog Stan, cat Noel and hamster Mort. Mort has been stealing all the families’ cheese. Stan...
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Version 1
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CHAPTER TWO April 4th 1968 is a date that is deeply ingrained into the memories of many Americans for many different reasons. I was 6 years old and in the first grade. I was attending George Rogers Clark Elementary school and my teacher was Mrs. Bell. I can’t remember how I got home on that day. My father probably picked me up. All I really remember is all the teachers were upset and school was dismissed early. I don’t recall walking up the concrete walkway that leads from the f...
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Young Adult / In This Together
Nice story, I like your characters you have done a good job of introducing them. Here are a few things I noticed. deal with what we have," = ." faced-paced = fast-paced It was against hospital policy. = it is not clear what this sentence refers to. pleaded furthermore, = "futhermore" makes this sentence read awkwardly, the sentence works without it. “Please stay clam = (calm) just got told. Well and truly. = told,well and truly. don’t want to be here either,” = ." Let’s get just this over wit...
This works very well as a short story, it is intriguing and suspenseful. I do think it would help to know something about her mother to understand why she is so resistant to insight her daughter posseses. Does it have something to do with her own mother's gift? I don't get a sense that she is even aware that her mother also had it. I find the paragraphs starting "I am" and then refering to age and time a little distracting. The same thing with the word "Now" you use it a couple of time at the...
Short Story / Suzie, Peter, and I
This piece is wonderful, it really works. I'ts funny and so believable, it speaks very well to the jealous nature of the human condition. I had to laugh outloud when you said "south had always meant down to me." I can so identify with that. This reminded me so much of my husband and me on our road trips. This is a warm, wonderful, halarious, feel good piece. I didn't see anything to improve upon.
Flash Fiction / Unjustifiable Hate
Much better, I feel like it works a lot better that you established Jacob to be bi-racial in the beginning. I also think it adds a much deeper demension to the story having his mother being raped by a white man. The second paragraph is a hard read, it doesn't flow. The rest of the story follows a time line, first this, then that, then the next thing, but the second paragraph is out of order and hard to follow. Consider somethig like...Born into poverty to a women who dispised he very existenc...
Flash Fiction / Unjustifiable Hate
The first two words grab you, shock you and invite you to keep reading. The first paragraph is equally as effective, it is bold and graphic but from there I feel like the story starts to lose it's pace. I feel like you went from starting to tell us a story full colorful gritty details (the sickening crack of his jawbone breaking as the Doc Marten hit the side of his skull.) to very genaral description (His friend’s mother had been brutally raped by a gang a few years prior.) You never even me...
100.0% Review Quality (3 Votes)
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Non-fiction / At Last
Novel Treatments / Cold Life In A Sleeping World

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