I agree, it is a bit rough, but not bad for 16. I think it can be really difficult to work when you are constrained by a rhyming scheme. I really like the way the verses end with "They/we cry please lord no more..." as it adds a nice consistency to the verses.

I quite liked the poem overall. I liked the free-form nature of the verses and the way there is a memorial quality to it, it really reflects looking back on childhood, but from an adult perspective much like rewatching movies you enjoyed as a child and understanding the rude bits the adults were always chuckling at. I liked the way you added (They did have cigarettes when I was a kid). It really hits home the nastiness of the bad ice cream trucks.

Its an interesting routine. The problem is that it needs to be spoken to get the flow and rhythm right, it can be hard to hear it right when you are reading it. As for the bits that I liked... I enjoyed the way you compared online dating services to weapons of mass destruction. I also like the bit about leaving your first husband because you did not want to wake up with regrets. And you end on a good note with the family accepting the mental health issues but not being a comedian.

This is a poem that is so personal it is difficult to properly critique. I think that overall, my suggestion would be that you organise it better, using punctuation to seperate it into definite thoughts. I find free verse somewhat difficult to deal with and when there is not a definite verse structure, it can seem directionless. I really like the language you have used to illustrate the enormity of a loss that is so hard for other people to understand. A loss like that can be hard for people ...

I liked this poem quite a bit. I particularly like your use of language in the first stanza... hippo, hip bones, hypo. I always enjoy writing where the author has taken the time to play with the language and make it their own. If I had one criticism to offer it would be that in the final stanza, discussion about carnivores is a bit misplaced. If the poem were to continue after this verse, and there was some explanation about where that thought was headed, it would work much better.

I think that this would be fine if someone had been reading your blog as time progressed and had a better feel for you or knowledge of you. As it is, it is very short and not really linked to anything else so it is hard to judge.

I think this piece is extremely well written and the unexpected twist where you find that the main character is speaking to a tree is a nice one. I think that adding the wind at the end is a bit unneccessary, but it doesn't detract overly much from the story. I think that as far as finding a publisher, it might be difficult because of its short length (short stories are usually longer than this) and because of its unique subject matter. However, I think it could go quite well in the right pub...