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lworth's profile
AGE:
32
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 05
LOC: Canada
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: August 05
I am not great at self-description. I took journalism in college because I wanted to write and thought that since I also wanted to eat, that journalism would allow me to earn enough to eat while allowing me to write. Freelance journalism in small town Canada means that I was incorrect in that assumption. So, after a burnt out period of time, I have started writing again. I have been published in a small magazine “Frisson:Disconcerting Verse” but nowhere else. I hope to change that.
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Version 2
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Once, I was young and beautiful, the world turned to watch me pass and men fought for me. Now, I am old, the ships once launched are forgotten on the rocky beaches. I do not mind being old. Now that I have shed the aspect which shed so much blood,I can be quiet, I can be what I most wanted to be. I can be ordinary. I no longer need airs. I wanted a simple life, among olive trees with you. No kings for me, I only loved you, but I was "destined". I turned heads, but always watched yours as it t...
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Once, I was young and beautiful, the world turned to watch me pass and men fought for me. Now, I am old, the ships once launched are forgotten on the rocky beaches. I do not mind being old. Now that I have shed hte aspect which shed so much blood,I can be quiet, I can be what I most wanted to be. I can be ordinary. I no longer need airs. I wanted a simple life, among olive trees with you. No kings for me, I only loved you, but I was "destined". I turned heads, but always watched yours as it t...
Version 1
2 Reviews
0 Comments
The pump froze again today, the sudden cold snap halted water and I hung on the useless arm and cried. A hundred times you showed me how to get water, but you knew even then that I was never much good at mechanical things. I know that the pump will sit, alone in the corner of the yard, lonely, until spring comes to thaw the water into life again. I know there will be a hundred little reasons I will long to have you back with me.
Version 1
3 Reviews
0 Comments
Elegance, your form there in the dark, stretched out pale in the moonlight. Moving, your eyes under lids closed to the world. Dreaming, always dreaming. Mornings, you are theirs, army green official seperation. Mornings, I am theirs, my own army of two calling me to duty. But at night, staring at you, light filtering through doorways, you are mine, and I am complete at last.
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Reviews
I think this piece is extremely well written and the unexpected twist where you find that the main character is speaking to a tree is a nice one. I think that adding the wind at the end is a bit unneccessary, but it doesn't detract overly much from the story. I think that as far as finding a publisher, it might be difficult because of its short length (short stories are usually longer than this) and because of its unique subject matter. However, I think it could go quite well in the right pub...
I think that this would be fine if someone had been reading your blog as time progressed and had a better feel for you or knowledge of you. As it is, it is very short and not really linked to anything else so it is hard to judge.
I liked this poem quite a bit. I particularly like your use of language in the first stanza... hippo, hip bones, hypo. I always enjoy writing where the author has taken the time to play with the language and make it their own. If I had one criticism to offer it would be that in the final stanza, discussion about carnivores is a bit misplaced. If the poem were to continue after this verse, and there was some explanation about where that thought was headed, it would work much better.
This is a poem that is so personal it is difficult to properly critique. I think that overall, my suggestion would be that you organise it better, using punctuation to seperate it into definite thoughts. I find free verse somewhat difficult to deal with and when there is not a definite verse structure, it can seem directionless. I really like the language you have used to illustrate the enormity of a loss that is so hard for other people to understand. A loss like that can be hard for people ...
Its an interesting routine. The problem is that it needs to be spoken to get the flow and rhythm right, it can be hard to hear it right when you are reading it. As for the bits that I liked... I enjoyed the way you compared online dating services to weapons of mass destruction. I also like the bit about leaving your first husband because you did not want to wake up with regrets. And you end on a good note with the family accepting the mental health issues but not being a comedian.
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