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lungs's profile
AGE:
18
LOC: Schenectady, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 07
LOC: Schenectady, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 07
I am 16 years old. I live on the east coast of the United States. I like to write, most of my work is prose, not poetry. I don’t know.
I can be very critical, because I think that too many people demean poetry through their bland work. I do not care about blackened hearts, mother nature’s joys, excessively detailed news reports with minimal speculation weaved in, pools of hazel eyes, cutting, or other terrible inclusions of poetic cliches in your work, and I will not apologize for feeling that way.
Items
Version 1
27 Reviews
31 Comments
i laid out a boardgame of enchanted forests. i was the princess. the trees were cones, not heavy with snow, but intangible dusts from pixies. creeping past bears, i saw a quick flash of gory death and a meadow washed in sunlight and color. my fate could have snapped in either direction. there are pedophiles in these neighborhoods. they are everywhere, from dank, lightless woods to streets you use every morning. it doesn't matter if you don't want them. persistent, pushing a weighty hand agai...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
12 Reviews
12 Comments
i set my steps on an upturned tile floor, let the thresh of my thoughts render me sore fluorescent lights cast and scabbed over with stains my skin whitened and sapped the brightness from my veins there were rings of liquor struck on hardwood tables and the sink was stuck with cigarette labels, floating in water. our friends were there laughing, oblivious to the intensity hatching between us, in a doorway, you’d hear just sore “okay”s ascend from my voice your apologies breaking through the c...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
10 Reviews
12 Comments
We spend our time pressed against glass, defending chides and addressing snaps of commentary on the state of ourselves. To think trauma would breed from the fate we developed isn't logic but lies, crafted to make a profit. When will we realize it's gone too far to stop it? Their weight that we carry's now taking its toll; they built trenches to bury our heads and our souls. What they leave uncovered will rot while we seethe, with our too-late spoken thoughts lost to posterity. Limbless we lay...
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Yo, I really appreciated this. The list of common mistakes made by writers was ridiculously helpful and made me realize a lot about my own writing. One thing that I notice about most good novels is that they usually open with the action of the story and then go on to elaborate about the character details and other things...and I never really thought of it being something so important, but it is. Thank you for the guide. I loved it.
Very juvenile and shakily written. I don't know what to say except...find your voice. You get a 2 for length.
Really amazing.I came upon this just looking for something to review but I didn't think I'd actually read something inspiring and well-written. Your father sounds like he was an amazing man, and really took the time to influence and love you; I wish mine could do the same. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss, but I think the Starry Night tribute would be very fitting. Best wishes to you and good luck with your writing; you certainly have the "it" that could get you published, if not your own ...
"fall asleep and wake up the day before, instead of the morning after," While this did need work in certain places, I enjoyed the fact that you didn't feel you needed to rhyme - a common misconception that a lot of 'poets' here follow. I liked how you rounded the poem out with the repetition of the introduction at the end. I enjoyed the ideas that you portrayed, my favorite line being the one I quoted at the beginning of this review, but it was almost upstaged by the way you mended sentences ...
This was awfully sad, but it was interesting to read. I don't see many writings about the elderly, so it was a change of pace for me. It reminds me a lot of an older friend I had who was abusive and ill, and died under somewhat similar circumstances. I liked the hint of positivity at the end. The grammar could be better, but I'm sure you know this.
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