This is an interesting piece. I like the way it starts out with God on your bookshelf. That gave me a clear picture of the relationship or the status of faith for the narrator. For a moment when you talked about kneeling down to pray with the little girl, I thought that was cliche. But then you made the comment about being a pain in the a**. That made me laugh. I didn't rank you as high on the publishability (yes, I just wrote that). The writing is very reflective and the tone is sometimes pa...

I'll start this off by saying that I think you have talent. I felt this was deep and original, but there are too many hindrances in your writing for me to rate it very well. I'm sorry if anything I have said seems rude... I am just trying to give honest feedback. So hear it is: The beginning line.... "He is dark and wild like that of a raven..." I thought that sounded odd. What are you referring to when you say "that of"? Is he dark and wild as part of a raven or dark and wild as a raven is? ...

Very aptly put... and I empathize.

I like this. Your tone isn't very dynamic. What I got from it was more contemplative with a bit of yearning behind it. If that was your goal, then congrats! The only thing I would suggest to work on are the lines "Beginning with... - so few." Everything else flows so nicely, that the " - so few" really stuck out for me. Keep up the good work.

This didn't really work for me. I don't typically like to give overall negative reviews, but the only thing I can say is keep on working at it. If it is any consolation... my poetry is worse than abysmal... and while you are way ahead of me, I just didn't like this. I found the use of a comma right after "when" distracting besides the fact that I believe it is grammatically incorrect. If I am wrong on that, I apologize. You used "loss" instead of lost in the phrase "the love you loss brought ...

Besides the fact that you had a lot of grammatical errors, I like what you have here. The character you created has a flippant attitude in a dark situation. I'm not sure if I like what's going on in the story or not, but you've definitely caught my attention. Your pacing seems really good. I wanted to turn to the next page and I wanted to do it quickly. I didn't feel the character despair so much. I'll leave that up to you whether that's good or bad. You painted the scene with Caitlyn coming ...

Well, in response to your question, no this didn't really pull me in, although I was curious about the storyline and everything that was happening. Frankly, there was so much new and weird stuff in this beginning chapter that I kept wondering what was going on. Why did the coach lurch forward to begin with? I understand that this is supposed to be a messed up place in regards to leadership and all, but the interactions between characters on the beginning page is just confusing to me and I spe...

This was very interesting and not what I expected. I like the imagery that you use... "like the door in a story that you did not open," "fine blowing snow that swirls and spirals into an infinitive dark abyss," I liked the portrait you painted of his life ... the tv blaring, the refrigerator noise and details like the outside of his house, sportscar, etc. in contrast with the narrator never really knowing him.

Wow. I love your writing style. For me, everything flowed smoothly and kept me interested, even though I've not read your previous installments. I don't know that I would change a thing. If I knew what more things were: Moop, Cornrippers, etc., I could probably relate to this a little more, but even so, bravo! It was poignant and humorous. The first read through, I missed the reference to Hasselhoff. I'll definitely be interested to read the earlier pieces. Thanks for cheering my day!

Well, if you are wanting to know if you got what love is by explaining what it's parameters aren't, I'd say you did an overall good job. Otherwise, I'm not sure I understood your notes. If you want to use Christianity, it is said "God is love." ~ 1 John 4:8 There is also a definition given in 1 Corinthians 13:4. But that may not be what you were asking for. The only error that I saw in your piece was "it cannot be defines."