ltipton's profile

I like this. Your tone isn't very dynamic. What I got from it was more contemplative with a bit of yearning behind it. If that was your goal, then congrats! The only thing I would suggest to work on are the lines "Beginning with... - so few." Everything else flows so nicely, that the " - so few" really stuck out for me. Keep up the good work.

Very aptly put... and I empathize.

I'll start this off by saying that I think you have talent. I felt this was deep and original, but there are too many hindrances in your writing for me to rate it very well. I'm sorry if anything I have said seems rude... I am just trying to give honest feedback. So hear it is: The beginning line.... "He is dark and wild like that of a raven..." I thought that sounded odd. What are you referring to when you say "that of"? Is he dark and wild as part of a raven or dark and wild as a raven is? ...

This is an interesting piece. I like the way it starts out with God on your bookshelf. That gave me a clear picture of the relationship or the status of faith for the narrator. For a moment when you talked about kneeling down to pray with the little girl, I thought that was cliche. But then you made the comment about being a pain in the a**. That made me laugh. I didn't rank you as high on the publishability (yes, I just wrote that). The writing is very reflective and the tone is sometimes pa...