loveandrockets28's profile
AGE:
30
LOC: Phoenix, AZ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 08
LOC: Phoenix, AZ
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: November 08
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Items
Version 4
12 Reviews
4 Comments
The other day driving down the road with my daughter in the backseat she sings something a song she heard on the radio something about someone dying in November and I want to turn to her and tell her “My darling daughter you don’t yet understand that we are all dying in November and that the only question is will we be like our mothers and grandmothers closing our windows and locking our doors to the coming winter forgetting that the heat in out bones and our beds will not let the...
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Version 3
0 Reviews
0 Comments
The other day driving down the road with my daughter in the backseat she sings something a song she heard on the radio something about someone dying in November and I want to turn to her and tell her “My darling daughter you don’t yet understand that we are all dying in November and that the only question is will we be like our mothers and grandmothers closing our windows and locking our doors to the coming winter forgetting that the heat in out bones and our beds will not let the...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 3
13 Reviews
0 Comments
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Ratings & Rankings
Version 2
12 Reviews
0 Comments
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Version 3
12 Reviews
2 Comments
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i'm impressed by the beginning, which is truly scary and creepy, but was disappointed by the second half.... you do such a great job with mood and description in the beginning and it peters out in the end... just because it's waking life doesn't mean there's no mood, no phusical description. this could be an awesome story if it stays strong thjrough the whole thing. keep going!
i swear to god, i am enjoying myself so much that i'm absolutely crushed there's not another chapter to read yet. the only thing that i have an issue with iis that sometimes your tranxitions are too jumpy. an immage will pop up, like the guy suddenly in eli's basement, so it takes a moment for my mind-movie to adjust and place him there. otherwise please! give me more!
watery loss.... great line. i loved this chapter so far. the only thing i would do differently is to make the conversation between the mom and eli sparse. he is, after all, a stranger.... and intruder... one who can spell trouble for them...
scolded=scalded Is swiped= i swiped the only thing i have as a note is that i'm not sire i feel as if Eli speaks with enough authority... it seems he speaks to nikki too much as a peer. otyherwise, on to the next chapter!
god, this is so well thought out. i was worried about the explanations becoming muddles but you're doing a great job:) i'm on to the next chapter!
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