lonelycastle's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: Eau Claire, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 26
LOC: Eau Claire, WI
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: March 26
I’m a 21 year old aspiring writer, also co-creator of WritersCafe.org which lets you post stories, research the market, find friends, and find agents, publishers, magazines, and workshops.
Find out more about me at CharlesKonsor.com
-Cheers
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Version 1
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. . . Chapter 1 Continued It was these stories, or rather stories in general that Oliver and his father most often shared over dinner. Whether it be about the kelpies of the Sonata Sea which appear as magnificent horses on lake shores and carry unsuspecting riders into the waters depths. Or the rusalka, beautiful female water spirits inhabiting the lakes, springs, and streams of the Elysian Islands. Or the moss maidens, little pixies in the from of old ladies who spin moss in the trees of the...
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Version 1
4 Reviews
2 Comments
First 10 Pages- Chapter 1- Oliver of Salomé I dream of something greater. Of something beyond these shores of Andora. Of heroes, creatures, gods, faeries, magic, wonder, and fantasy. I dream and I linger always on it, but I’m afraid. I’m afraid it’s all gone now, lost to a time too long ago to be anything more than myth. But still I dream. And my dreams are growing bold. Where will these questions take me? Where shall these scribbled hopes lead? Away with this bottle to those forgotten worlds...
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I think the subject matter you tackled was very good and I think you approached it in an intersting and honest way. However, I think the execution of it could have been better. I usually don't like the basic rhyming poems and this one, though good, was still restricted by that aabb rythm. It forces the writer to come up with less then savory lines which often drift from the original intent. Try letting the rhyme flow with your own way of speech, write out what you're trying to say and see how...
Firstly I'll say the story overall was quite imaginative, a very good idea, and nicely done. I will admit, however, that I almost stopped reading at the beginning. It seemed a lot of description and I was just sort of driting along with it. I don't know if there's anyway for you to add some dialogue or something to that, something to liven it up, give more then just the scenery. As the story progressed, however, I got far more involved. I figured out what was going on when he was talking to J...
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Again, I think your main character was very fun and enjoyable to read. There was a moment when she was going to the kitchen that she got a bit annoying, but she was angry so I guess I can understand that. I also like how you incorporate a lot of modern things which many can relate to (ie Google, Myspace, Facebook). You also show a thorough knowledge on everything your character is involved with. I really feel that you know what it's like to be a investigator. Most importantly, however, you co...
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The story engaged me in a way few other 'chick lit' (I hope you don't mind me calling it that) stories have. The intimacy you offer us into the main characters mind is brilliant and very enjoyable. She's a very likable person, not like most chick lit characters, and I really feel for her even though I've only known her a few paragraphs. You keep it short as well, keep it moving which is always good. I'm also very intrigued to see what happens next. As far as criticims. There were certain poin...
The stories far more honest and realistic then most I've read on the site and I found myself agreeing with a lot of the ideas, simple and small though they were. I suppose that's the best kind of writing though isn't it. The end, though I understand it, is a bit abstract. Not that that's bad, it just doesn't bring together the story and its meaning as much as I hoped. Other then that I have no criticisms. -Cheers P.S. I also run a website called WritersCafe.org which offers aspiring writers a...
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