lolle's profile

good poem. it's very nice the way you use two totally different topics to create such a nice but still painful subject. I think many people will read this and identify with it because you found the way to show your feelings in such an open way. I also like the way you made some parts to rhyme but not all, it gives the poem a nice structure, the lines are not long and that makes it easier to read. good job! I enjoyed it very, very much, I hope to read more of you :)

good first submission :) it's a good poem, and I can see is deap, it talks about a relationship that didnt work and it hurts that it didnt. maybe you stopped loving the other person? that's what I get. I like the analogy you use when you talk about burnt memories floating upon the breeze, it gives the poem a deap meaning and I think that's what you wanted to get. the only thing I see you can improve is puntuaction. where does a thought starts and where does it end? keep writing :)

the idea is good, and I like the structure you give to it. However I feel there is a lot of redundancy, specially when you use the same word over and over, like in the first stanza:"I dream of you, I dream of me, I dream of how this all should be, I hope for dreams of you" why dont you try to make it shorter by putting together the main idea. it could be: " I dream of you, of me, how this should be." and go like that all over the poem, it might make it shorter but the redundancy will go and y...

really nice analogy. you managed to explain your situation mixing it with something completely out of the blue (space, stars,comet). the feeling of loneliness is really clear and quick to catch. I find a little bit redundant the last two lines: "My heart is like a star alone in space. Others orbit at a fixed unchanging place…", because it starts like that and it kind of leaves a space that I feel it should be filled. still maybe that's the feeling you wanted to give.I suggest you to erase the...

the idea of sadness inspired by remembering how good things were in the past it's well used. it lacks of feelings and it's a little vague.Maybe you wrote this just for yourself, why dont you try to show your feelings in a way random people who read it will get exactly what you feel. it has potential, maybe re-writing it will work. hope this review helps you :)