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littlegreenpills's profile
AGE:
24
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 20
LOC: United Kingdom
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: October 20
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Items
Version 1
8 Reviews
2 Comments
He leaned over the table towards me and with a conspiratorial grin said "I've decided to kill myself." I spluttered and put my coffee down with a clatter. It splashed over the lip of the cup and soaked into the napkins. "You're not serious. Never. You can't say things like that! Look - "A thousand different ideas of consolation and advice and shock and anger were cascading out of my brain, and they all wanted to be expressed first, with the effect that my mouth seized up under the strain. He ...
Version 1
7 Reviews
1 Comment
There was a very angry man at Speakers Corner; his anger crowded out the anger of the other speakers and drove them to mope, defeated and sad, by the banks of the Serpentine. His anger manifested itself chiefly in the foamy spittle around his lips and his rolling, bloodshot eyes. Every so often he would muster up enough coordination to reach into the plastic milk crate by his feet and extract a tatty newsprint pamphlet, which he would then hand to a startled passer-by. Those few who were curi...
Version 1
9 Reviews
8 Comments
There was a foxtrot going on the living room; four couples, altogether, and not one of them could go a dozen steps without stumbling over their partner's feet. There was an excess of drink and a shortage of practice; also, this ballroom was only some seven feet square. Collisions were inevitable. One of the couples consisted of two men, who found their reserves of enthusiasm running ever lower. They couldn't decide who was to lead. They were tense and unsettled by the feel of their arms aroun...
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Reviews
I liked it! "Object falls from sky" is such a obvious remedy to writer's block that it takes a bit of finesse to stop it coming across as tiresome two-bit surrealism, but there's none of that here. It's a very promising beginning. I also like your studied descriptions of incidental things like the watch and the lady in the business suit. That said I think it does need some work. There's a small section in the beginning that, while not quite describable as a "plot hole" breaks the verisimilitu...
The broken centre white line flashed by, like some insane visual Morse code, all dashes and no dots.In the oppressive dark of the night, the endless black of the tarmac and that Morse code slowly hypnotized. - the simile of the Morse code is nice but I think the way its worded makes it comes across as forced. Consider replacing "some insane visual Morse code" with "bad Morse code". The entire crash scene at the end of the prologue feels really rushed. There are several events it encompasses -...
I am not sure I can get any sense of rhythm or cadence out of this piece - it seems to be just a list of sentences. I am not asking for an Alexander Pope style rhyme scheme, but there does not seem to be any relation in between the different lines. The lack of any discernible rhythm here, plus the subjective disconnect between each one, makes the reader wonder if it even counts as a poem at all. Did you just write each sentence down as soon as you thought of it, holding every single one separ...
Haha, really good satire. If anything, it's almost _too_ subtle - although whether that's a criticism is another thing - and there are a couple of opportunities you missed. The inspiration from A Confederacy Of Dunces is evident throughout - the trenchant refusal to use a simple commonplace word where a more obscure and affected one will do, and the way the narrator sets up his imagined adversaries as pitiful strawmen so he can revel in the ease at which knocks them down, are all redolent of ...
100.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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