I really like this, it made me feel as though we were sitting next to eachother and I was listening to your story. It's also a fantastic (and true!) message that hardwork truly pays off. Survival of the fittest! It reminded me of Salinger's storytelling. The details really make it work, from the specific number of wall touches, to the last sentence, which covers a spectrum of emotional references (understand, hard work, no fun, doesn't feel good) Brilliant. The only suggestion I have, since y...

This is a very strong piece! It has a mystical feel to it, starting with the confusion at the Incredible Mirror Maze. In ways, your style reminds me of Gabriel García Márquez. I think you have some of the qualities of magical realism here in this story. You also have a strong mastery of the details, the small stuff. The backward words and flow of conversation, the implications of the in-car camera, the powerful imagery you created in the sentence beginning with 'As he uttered this slip,' and ...

AMEN TO THAT! I've always found that to be the truth in life... when you start excelling, they never want you to stop, so it's just GREAT advice to 'stay slow'. Only advice I have would be with grammar, you could even trim this out to be one sentence. Keep writing, because the truth always comes shining through!

Oh, I love this. Naughty, naughty. It just leaves me asking myself the question, is the last line implying that she is not making money off of this man because he is her lover? That is how I read it. It's a very fun limerick, true to form, and gave me a good chuckle. Keep em coming! ;)

Haha! Fun on a Friday night. This is great, I particularly like how you have worked a quotation into your 6 word memoir. Also, I love the use of coyly, as it is a beautiful word, and piques the readers interest immediately. This combination of 6 words really creates a sense of the person speaking, and I think that is what writing is all about, to stir up the imagination. I love 'Frisky on Fridays' because it's short and sweet, allowing infinite ways for it to be interpreted by the reader.

Hm, I feel that a lot could be done with the poem. Overall, I like the subject matter, because the truth about life is that there is the yin and yang of everything around us. A critique...I believe that true poetry is concise, you say the most, paint the most vivid pictures with brevity and STRONG words. It also never hurts to pour on the details to capture your readers imagination. I liked how you began this with 'Darkness' 'Light' Take a look at how many times you used words such as 'and' '...

No sugar coating here. ;) I like this, but I wonder why you didn't categorize it as a quote. As it stands, with its form, it lacks any true rhythm and in my book doesn't qualify as poetry. HOWEVER, I definitely think this quote has a lot of potential to be chiseled into a poem. Just think it over, read the lines over and over, and then determine where you want to put each section of the quote in the form of a poem(line breaks, rhyme, wordplay, etc.). The beauty in a piece like this is that it...

I like this. Particularly, I like that you have your finger on the pulse of what is to come. The reality of 'designer babies', and what that will mean for humans is something that is on the horizon. The details that you provide for Jessie really encourage the reader's imagination, as I couldn't help but conjure up an image of him in my mind. 2 things...when you first reference the son by name it is Jessie, and the second time it is Jesse. I'm not sure if that was on purpose, and if so, why? A...

hmm.. my immediate reaction is that the lines ending 'lines' and 'tries' do not rhyme. With the assignment to make the 4 lines rhyme, there should be consist rhyming. But maybe that is the beauty in it...the first 2 corresponding lines do not rhyme while the second do...you have learned to master rhyming the second time around.....'It seems so simple, now' Overall, I really like it.

I LOVE THIS. It's the truth. The idea is great; however, I am not completely crazy about the center of the quote ',because simply,' I almost feel like it should read ',because, quite simply,'. I like the idea of the three commas - it seems less rational ;) and I feel like it adds to the rhythm of the quote.