liquidlanguage's profile

I LOVE THIS. It's the truth. The idea is great; however, I am not completely crazy about the center of the quote ',because simply,' I almost feel like it should read ',because, quite simply,'. I like the idea of the three commas - it seems less rational ;) and I feel like it adds to the rhythm of the quote.

hmm.. my immediate reaction is that the lines ending 'lines' and 'tries' do not rhyme. With the assignment to make the 4 lines rhyme, there should be consist rhyming. But maybe that is the beauty in it...the first 2 corresponding lines do not rhyme while the second do...you have learned to master rhyming the second time around.....'It seems so simple, now' Overall, I really like it.

I like this. Particularly, I like that you have your finger on the pulse of what is to come. The reality of 'designer babies', and what that will mean for humans is something that is on the horizon. The details that you provide for Jessie really encourage the reader's imagination, as I couldn't help but conjure up an image of him in my mind. 2 things...when you first reference the son by name it is Jessie, and the second time it is Jesse. I'm not sure if that was on purpose, and if so, why? A...

No sugar coating here. ;) I like this, but I wonder why you didn't categorize it as a quote. As it stands, with its form, it lacks any true rhythm and in my book doesn't qualify as poetry. HOWEVER, I definitely think this quote has a lot of potential to be chiseled into a poem. Just think it over, read the lines over and over, and then determine where you want to put each section of the quote in the form of a poem(line breaks, rhyme, wordplay, etc.). The beauty in a piece like this is that it...

Hm, I feel that a lot could be done with the poem. Overall, I like the subject matter, because the truth about life is that there is the yin and yang of everything around us. A critique...I believe that true poetry is concise, you say the most, paint the most vivid pictures with brevity and STRONG words. It also never hurts to pour on the details to capture your readers imagination. I liked how you began this with 'Darkness' 'Light' Take a look at how many times you used words such as 'and' '...