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leeann's profile
AGE:
43
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 25
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: October 25
I work in mental health. It’s not something I clock in to do. It’s part of ME.
The least of these, i.e. homeless and mentally ill people need to know that God measures us all with the same ruler, and we all fall short of Him: addicts, homeless, mentally ill, and people who grew up with a Jesus understanding.
We don’t understand Middle Eastern writings.- Western thinking does not grasp Middle Eastern culture’s paradoxes. Our understanding of God is ethno-centric, so if a guy is in a burning building and you yell, telling him that it’s on fire, and he doesn’t get out, does he really believe it’s on fire? -His “work” in leaving the building showed that he believed.
Interests:
Homeless, mentally ill & encouraging
Writing
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The Prayer
There were butterflies in my chest. He wanted the prayer. The one I had to get right: so his alcohol soaked mind wouldn't settle into despondent confusion. He squared with the fact that his expiration date was passed: "It's coming." No self-pity or real sadness. -He taught as he talked and looked.
This one was rough around the edges. The alcohol was not pungent anymore. His longish hair was slept on. He had not shaved since before the event when he admitted plai...
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Grab my soul. I have no control. You have shown me. And now I’m sick with it. Because You’re Lord. My life, my forever. I’m out of control. Seems now that as I look, I’ve neglected, -I’ve never given You... And my brain crashes, -cramps with these thoughts of “I need...” -a man: a purpose with an edge: some rolling hills. Loneliness so close. And I just want it to go. And I have no strength to stand. No defense to demand from You these thoughts of “I need...” -a man. Let my soul not founder....
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I used to dream of being me only better -Saw gray sky: black birds, seeming not to soar but to be frozen like something inside that would not move one day gray turned salty wet smeared my vision into something new and sometimes sweet more of those same days followed -Birds soaring and following as if following me if they would come near I could see their colors, that I loved As if they were the same as the birds that He watched and cared for, and sent again to remind me He is home
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I'm trying to get past my bias against romanticizing death, or death together with someone. This draws a picture, which I think of as the best kind of writing. Clarity is good! I'm not sure about what the hot oil through a funnel means... Is it a New Age image? Your images and the way the poem is broken up seem appropriate for this subject and definately add power to the message. -I just don't want the wrong person to get swept into the apparent romance of death. But you aim to make death tha...
the 5 lines staring "banish rage" seem out of synch with the general flow, and could be changed to "showing" how your suggestion to your friend could manifest vs. overtly telling him. the section seems disjointed and out of place to me. compassionate and hope it helps him! LeeAnn
i can't think of any constructive criticism: it shows the story/images instead of tells: that's so good, and it flows, and is surprising, because it's subtle, and does not belabor or lengthen too much, considering the subject. it just seems like good writing to me.
you "show" instead of "tell" -your words show the way the elements around you effect you, until you get to "raven haired maiden": there you COULD but don't show how her hair and how she effects you, even though before this you state that she rakes open your soul, which is really, in it's own way, showing how she effects you vs. telling, maybe because the language is so strong. hope she's read this!
this conveys darkness and maybe also steps back to see his despiration. the "so" seems out of place to me; out of the flow. many would not know who you were referring to (including me) without an explaination, but with explanation, it makes sense and flows nicely
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