I think thats a very interesting idea you've put together there. the line "She looked at me with such hate. I couldn’t help but laugh at her pain. Her hate. Leaning down I licked a tear off of her cheek. ‘Your angst is my sugar.’ I moaned into her ear. She screamed and clawed at me like a wild beast. Close now…her spirit will break". is that going to be a opener to the story or will it go somewhere in the climax of the story? so far i think youve got a very good idea blooming and i agree, i d...

that is a very interesting and funny topic you wrote a poem about. It is easy and enjoyable to read and it also gives you abit of a laugh which is why i think this is a great poem. :) i also like the way you set out the paragraphs making them fit what the poem is trying to say. "trees have bugs and sap and splinters" good job!

I like the feeling of being missing and losing your self you captured in this poem. Its a great topic to write about and as you are writting about a topic that is familier to your it makes your poem alot more pationate and realistic. Good Job

I really like the way you used adam and eve as your reference to this poem. I think it captures the theme of throwing our mistakes at everyone else, rather then catching it ourselfs. Your a great writer. This poem is easy to read and yet it is indepth and i think you showed your theme perfectly. I dont think anyone could put it better then you did. Good job!

I think you captured the feeling of substained tension well. Its very good for under 18 and has good descriptive words. Good job!

Beautiful! This poem uses great imagary to describe love and i love it! i especially love how you compare love to a sun set that changes everyday but still each one is very rememberable. This poem actually brought tears to my eyes. good job!

I like this poem as it is a good idea about escaping reality and disappearing into a dream world. I loved the imagery you used in the poem such as 'I search for seas and sail thru them in pleasant breeze'. It shows well the unbelieved world you can escape to which i think you brought out really well. good job :)

This is a great way to explain our good side and our bad side. I really liked the imagery you used to discribe the butterfly and the dragon especially when you used words like ' She floats with great ease For there is nothing that she lacks'. You did a really good job where you trying to say that even the most perfect of people have a dark side? It was really enjoyable to read and i think the theme of this story came out well good job:)