lantern20's profile

I found your story very interesting and enjoyable. You might try to rewording some of the sections to help them flow, for example, in the second paragraph maybe something like: All the anger, all the frustration, all the distraction, they would all fall away when the girl danced. She was free and flawless and beautiful. When she danced she soared through life unhindered on wings of dance. Beginning of the fourth section: instead of essence, maybe soul? These are just my opinions, thanks for g...

I thought this was very helpful. It seemed to reiterate the most important things that I as an emerging writer has gleaned as I searched for info on how to improve my writing. I think that anyone who wants to get into making their work ready to publish would be helped very much by reading this.

I'm not sure I'm interpreting this correctly yet, so I'm saving it as a favorite. This deserved to be mulled over. The word 'subjective' is fantastic (as opposed to ('objective'). I give high marks now, and I'll figure out why later on!

Excellent last line. This is a great teaching verse! (I never liked shallow haiku.)

I visualized many things when I read this, which varied from a stroke-impaired person whose speech center was affected, to am otherwise healthy person who had nothing of merit to say, simply parroting the things someone else said. I lean towards the second interpretation because the last lines seem condescending. Very interesting. I'm glad I got to read it. It was like a swarm of word-bees. Thanks for the opportunity to read it!