knowah's profile

Of Dinner Rolls and Apes By Noah Purcell StartedOutDumb@gmail.com To those of you out there who have never experienced the glory of a chamber of commerce luncheon, let me say this, I weep for you daily. Somewhere in the world there is another like me who sheds bitter tears for the poor unfortunate souls who have yet to suckle from the breast bursting with liquid ambrosia that is a chamber of commerce meeting. That person does not cry for me, no, for I am only hours removed from my last chambe...

July 20, 2005 - I am starting to wonder these days if I am old enough to hanker for yesteryear. Is 26 years long enough to pine for the good old days? Maybe kids do grow up too fast, maybe I have to face facts that the United States I grew up in was a different place in a different time. Simpler times, that's what I remember. In those days everyone smiled at one another, hitchhiking was safe, jokes about the weak Canadian dollar were hilarious and sometimes you even caught sight of a blueberr...

Driving down the road yesterday I wondered to myself what would happen if my limbs stopped having joints and instead worked like slap bracelets. My arms for example would be wound up close to my body most of the time. When I needed to use my arms I would twirk my body so my little arm curls would unfurl and grab whatever my objective. Driving would consist of one flurry to open the car door, then another jerk and grab for the steering wheel and in a flash the car would be started and I would ...

The National Hockey League is back, and from what I hear is better than ever. I would not know though, because between misinterpreted Major League Baseball umpire signs, Michigan State football's rise to significance, Michigan's decline into insignificance, the Lion's wallowing in muck and the Pistons revving up for another victory filled campaign, there is no time for hockey. I would love to be an avid Red Wings fan, follow the NHL on the whole, get wardrobe tips from Don Cherry and maybe ev...

They say life is like an oval - it may not seem like it but you will end up coming full circle. Last week a guy introduced himself to me as a phrenologist. Phrenologist as in he studies the shape of people's heads and the little divots and bumps on them and from those measurements derives what their favorite color is and how smart they were/are. The thing is, phrenology never was, nor is, an established science. Downright daffy, that phrenology, but here he was telling me he felt skulls for a...