khwilt's profile

khwilt avatar
AGE: 31
LOC: Winchester, VA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 08

I am a 31 year old wife and mother prone to fits of misanthropic humanism on par with Margot Channing from All About Eve. Recently, during a subsequent reading of John Kennedy Toole’s A Confederacy of Dunces several coincidences between the book and the rest of my life arose. Strangely enough, such facts say so much without really saying anything.

I once thought I had found an ounce of fame after having been published in a briefly significant magazine catering to those types who would spend their last three dollars on literature instead of food or shelter. Now, as the folly of youth falters, I’ve immersed myself in academia—teaching College Composition, Comparative Literature, Philosophy and Humanities courses to a very small group…

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Poetry / Falstaff
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Dark and sweating, he hustles the room like a Woolrich jacketed Buddha or a madman’s Jesus crucified on the crowd. On a piano-makeshift stage, swigging bourbon and Thomas Wolfe, the poet held as Pallas in the stench of crisp white sheets of the lover girl down in front, boys himself into lethargy. Beneath his feet, or fingers punching white-on-black keys, the glory days of Greenwich fog and crumple like onionskin.
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Lovely Brother, whose back gleams like ivory in my bedchamber, come curl and plot red-eyed vengeance while shivering on the floor. Curse and foretell with pounded fingertips against waspish bass strings our royal wrenching father. Or, our bestial palling mother with her Lady Macbeth hands hidden beneath butter soft kid gloves. Cloistered by the soft-white shadow of the room’s headache tone, my brother— 120 pounds of thorny sides and tattoos— moans music only his, god’s and my ears hear. Thwar...
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1. Fingers stretch and break on strings like little girl legs kicking holes through clouds. 2. Emancipation: Clinching womanly curves in ebb and in flow. 3. Blond hair’s falling curl: A ringlet of sex and jubilation corkscrewed subtly. 4. Double bass violin alchemy. Like a pugilist your hands blur, one-twos. 5. The likes of Newport hadn’t seen anything on par with you before, so vanguard. 6. US Route 20-- Your bass blistered, wires snapped silent that July.
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Version 2
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Tasting of shadows metallic in smiles and tears sweet as open fruit, we’re tangled in Egyptian cotton and in restless permutation. With thoughts lost behind lids ambient music quakes threatening hands and closing atmosphere at the figurative fallen rubble at my feet. Chips of steel gray polish dance across the floor as my toes walk the boards towards the icebox respite with King Cake slices and fried oysters. The man across the hall sings Sinatra in his sleep --- tonight he has “Witchcraft” t...
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Haiku/Senryu / Scott LaFaro, 1961
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Fingers stretch and break on strings like little girl legs kicking holes through clouds.
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Reviews
Non-fiction / Why I love it
This is a highly inspirational 6 word memoir summing up one major aspect of the creative life: imagination. Many of the 6 word memoirs out and about don't seem to focus on imagination as the key to the creative process both as an artist and as a connoisseur. Well done.
I like the overall sense of the "futility" and repetition of the creative life. My only reason marking the quotation in the median range is because it doesn't stick with me as much some of the other 6 word memoirs I've read thus far.
Focus on Grammar and Syntax: Capitalize "The" in line three. Line six- I would put a colon after taverns Line ten - "No care what teacher..." is a bit muddled. Perhaps make active with "Not caring what teacher..." Line 11 & 12 - Moms and Dad "tell" not "tells" Line 15 - the verb "asked" indicated a question; therefore use a question make after "Why so stupid"--if not, change the action word Since you are going for generalizations, I would totally there and cut the word "Most" from the first f...
I'm looking at structure: I would add "legs" to line one because it seems more direct. I would remove "her" from line three and add to line four Add birch to line five. Stanza 2 "Kiss" should be moved to line 5 For me the work is much more moving in a classical structure with natural breaks and not seemingly forced line breaks as in stanza one and two. They do not occur in the latter half of the poem.
Poetry / Don't be selfish
A suggestion on phrasing - Try a question mark after virgin. Make "put out" the exclamation. Interesting analogy for the creative process. The analogy provides humor the analogy provides.