khristeena's profile

This feels more like poetry than non-fiction. Well worded, it just lacks detail. The black/white thing is an interesting choice and could really be played up in a longer version. Great work so far and you could really do something here! ps. Do you do photography at all? If so, a b/w image would go along really well this as an artistic piece.

While the story was entertaining, I'm afraid I didn't feel the sympathy and emotion as your goal wished. It probably has to do with the simplicity of Tina's brother's love/romantic problems. If it had some background and was deeper than a romantic issue, then I could probably feel more. For example, if Lea was killed in a drunk driving accident. I could understand more of the brother's grief and why even the principal was worried about him. All teens get broken hearts. It's an inevitable part...

As I read this work, I saw two options very clearly: one for analogies, such as the Chicken Soup series, or this work as an intro to a memoir. I prefer the second, though it's much more work! By revealing your philosphy on life and grief, it kind of paves the way for you to tell the audience how you got there, via a story. Fantastic job and well-written! I hope to see more later on! ;)

You've done a great job of writing CORRECTLY- something rarely seen on Urbis. You've also done a great job of relating to the event and, then, putting yourself back into reality. Possible cliched title: I'm No Coal Miner's Daughter (based on Loretta Lynn song).