katelizabeth's profile
AGE:
28
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 11
LOC: Chicago, IL
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: January 11
I go by kat, I’m 25 and I’m interested in your comments only if they’re intelligent (although fawning can equal intelligence). I can be a bit snotty and belligerent at times, but I don’t mean anything by it.
Items
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
I’ll bite the days away, masticate each hour to a pulp, drip saliva on the minutes and floss the seconds out. No spices needed, thanks, just time and patient jaws, gums and pearly whites. The food in here’s not fit to chew, this mush meal lacks the zest of time and is only salted with impatience. My stomach swells and I, pregnant with disgust, dream of vegetables. Somewhere, somewhere exists a single, perfect carrot. Tie it up like a rose, a lover’s orange gift for hungry rabbit teeth. It sme...
Version 1
2 Reviews
2 Comments
She was just a year older than you, little sister, Dark instead of blonde, with a different accent And a different tongue. Did she have a laugh Like yours - open and loud, or did she chuckle More to herself when life was funny? I can't imagine you would be friends. But maybe - who knows what sixteen year old Girls have in common these days? You might Have gone to the mall together, smiled at the Boys, traded stories about your conservative Fathers. You would not run like her, in fear, from ro...
Version 1
2 Reviews
1 Comment
I tell her the secret: _All men are babies_ as I sift through the sheaves of her honey wheat hair. But I’m still one too - she mumbles into the pillow, twitches a long arm, readjusts a long leg. Not really no, no longer so. They used to marry them off younger than you. Frail little things who didn’t fill out their wedding gowns. Don’t think I haven’t seen you, all dressed up in heels and hips, your new woman’s body on proud display. It fits right over a little girl I knew, A little like her, ...
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
The Art is easy, just a deep inhale and ex hale, the climate controlled air like a tepid drink of mid-range Scotch. Smooth enough, you think and you’re halfway there. Now close your eyes, (still breathing, don’t forget to breathe) reach out a hand or a finger to touch the smooth objects offered here. Don’t worry about alarming textures, we only offer pleasant sensations, pleasant smells crowding close, rubbing your face like the insistent cat at bedtime. Let them smother you with purrs. You a...
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
She wears public badges of her private life, Little tidbits she thinks the world wants to know. She strains her neck earnestly, Laughs with sincerity, _Oh he never makes the bed,_ _this morning left the milk out,_ _it’s so funny, you know._ As if to prove she is more than what we see here - Coiffed hair, High shoes, Quick eyes. To validate those moments alone by the bed with the milk. As if to prove to everyone she doesn’t disappear.
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Reviews
I think one of the problems with this story is that you don't know the world you're writing about, therefore the reader is somewhat confused. This reads like part of a much longer work - there isn't enough information in it to make it stand alone as a short story. Why the year 3213? What does the first paragraph mean? Why isn't this set in a fantasy world, rather than in earth's future? If it's set in the future, you have a whole lot more information and speculation to deal with - how has civ...
_pathetic little snakes of brown gristle slithering in dread_ is a great image, my favorite in this story. I like the last vignette the best, because it felt less like a play-by-play and more like an exploration of relationships and emotions. You say a lot without saying much, which is great - the reader has to look between the lines to find the full story of the Heinbergs. This piece is interesting because it moves from the absurd, from something that obviously feels like a dream or at leas...
I like the imagery in this but I feel like you could do more with punctuation, as if punctuation is something that you're not really thinking about in this poem. I guess I really want to understand why you choose to leave out periods at the end of sentences or stanzas, etc. - I don't mind at all, but in this poem it doesn't feel deliberate, which leave me feeling a little - unfinished, I guess, as if the poem is unfinished. That being said, _I am the meat of a mating zebra_ is a wonderful ima...
Interesting idea - I would peg this as more of a character sketch than an actual story though. There are some lovely moments in it, like Isaak's coffee ritual, which give us an immediate sense of him as a character. Celia seems a little more two dimensional - as if you're still in the beginning stages of writing her. I would really like to see her explored more fully. In fact, I would really like to see this whole piece explored more fully. It's a good beginning and it reads like part of a lo...
The main problem with this story is that I don't believe a single word the narrator says. He sounds like someone playing the part of a killer, boasting about stories he won't tell because they didn't happen, so he doesn't know the details. If you want this to be compelling at all, it needs details, details, details. When the narrator says something like, "Maybe I did, maybe I didn't," then I think, oh he didn't. He's lying. Being a nerd and being abused are not good enough reasons for killing...
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