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AGE:
22
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 27
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: November 27
Some odd years into an education at UNLV.
Does the city affect me?
Probably.
Items
Version 1
45 Reviews
0 Comments
In the days of cartoon prints and Reebok sneakers, Abel and Fletcher had made a pact: "Live forever or die trying." Several years later, however, they hit puberty, became teenagers, turned fatalistic, said 'fuck you' to the chaos, shied away from the lives of philosophers, and opted to enjoy the inevitable. In short, they bought cargo pants, iced their hair, and joined the mainstream. Around this same time, they remembered their old childish pact and after the chemical feel of nostalgia wore ...
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I liked this story until the final third portion of it. The writing in the first two sections felt quick and concise. The last section just doesn't feel to blend in with the style. It also leaves fundamental questions. Yes, we know the narrator has taken cocaine and we can deduce that he enjoys the hobby, but he has also ceased to do it a year and a half. Why does scoring cocaine now make him the "happiest [he's] been in years"? What was his life like when he is not on a coke? Why does he thi...
It is an interesting premise. It almost reads like propaganda. I am not sure if that was your intent or not. I have a few issues with it though. First is the format. Maybe I do not understand its meaning, but I am not seeing the purpose to the strikethrough. It is distracting and quite unnecessary. Also, you have some basic errors in the text. What was once earlier an "eighteen-wheeler" turns into a sixteen, and when the driver is mentioned as being a good driver, "something was messing it up...
I am not sure I would classify this as a short story. I am sure you could swing either way and turn it into a non-fiction piece or further develop the narrator and create a stronger storyline. I don't agree with the verb tenses of the piece. I am not sure how all these things are dawning on the narrator while he is dreaming. I would imagine him to be experiencing these things while in a dream, meriting a present tense, unless of course, it was a daydream, and there is nothing to indicate a dr...
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The story flows nicely and is well-written for a children's story. I only have two small gripes. First, the appositive, "as most dragons are quite large," seems to assume that the reader (a child presumably) does not know anything of dragons. At this level of reading, I imagine he would. It seems almost condescending. Also, it is a story about the impropriety of excess vanity. While the dragon loses her treasure and is holed up in her cave at the end, it does not necessarily seem like Vendrel...
I enjoyed the story. I am not sure when the girl is recalling this story. Whether it is still in her youth or after she has grown a little, the writing still echoes a precociousness and I like that a lot. But I have a few nitpicks. First, I do not understand your lack of capitalization. Maybe the story was typed up quickly, and that is fine. Certain parts are not lacking in capitalization, however. Also, the writing conveys the innocence of both Junior and the girl, but some descriptions seem...
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