karenina_macy's profile

karenina_macy avatar
AGE: 26
LAST LOGIN: October 04

unannounced. unsure. unwittingly dry. understanding. unavailable. unknowing. uncaring.

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Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
she told me that she had to go home, all frantic and losing her hair. her digits were all sliced up the doing of hundreds of bottle lips and acrylic nails that just kept chipping. she was driving straight into lightning, all static and fires brewing underneath. the rain was gentle but a storm just the same. she told me that she knew that there was nowhere else for her despite the weather and only being wet from all the rain.
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Poetry / divinity.
Version 1
1 Review   0 Comments
when it was finally only you and i, we hesitated, a slight pause. i drifted off, and with my eyes closed i could feel the heat from your eyes open, fogging up my skin. i could hear your throat as you gulped up my breath. and it was close to my ears as we got closer. gushes of air all over my throat. our fingertips got stuck together and it hurt, ripped the prints clean as we pulled them apart. in a fit of fire our skin melted into beads of sweat to seep through sheets. hearts in a rush, in a ...
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Poetry / displaced
Version 1
2 Reviews   0 Comments
i always get lost, on this one particular strip of road on my way home. i am just driving straight and i look up and my breath gets short and i start to panic a little, because i question where i am. everything is visible...it's all right there in front of me, and to my sides, and behind. but i sort of feel like the road has disappeared and all of my faithful landmarks are decieving me. i might plow straight into a fence, or another car. i feel sort of terrified. i feel sort of ridiculous. as...
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Poetry / Sex Noises
right up my alley. i love this quick style. the comparisons to "quiet cars" and "hushed hellos" make the noises seem soft, but even the quietest sex noises seem like they are right in your ears. solid piece.
I have some aged writing that sounds very much like this. It is a great start, I haven't read anything else of yours so based on your notes I can only hope that it truly is a start. The subject matter is good, the suffering lover, but L1-5 are all directive statements, and then you start with the "Yous" beginning almost every line after that...keep looking at your writing and find a pronoun replacement, or disorganize your lines to offset the yous and the directive statements. Just a thought.
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Poetry / brain storm
This is clever and I definitely understand the subject on which you are writing, but there are several mistakes as far as plurals and possessive nouns, misplaced apostrophes, that are very distracting as a reader. I think if you have someone look over those types of errors, the poem will find a better flow.
Poetry / Across Woman
for it is in giving that we receive.
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Poetry / Sex Noises

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