kalidaemon's profile
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LAST LOGIN: January 24
LAST LOGIN: January 24
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Version 1
12 Reviews
1 Comment
It’s 3 am and I’m looking out onto a street wreathed in deep quiet. It’s an anxious peace almost as if the street and the trees that line it know that its respite will end with sunrise which is only a few hours away. As I look out the window, I look past the reflection of my tired face wrapped in a yellow quilt. I look past the crows’ feet and the glasses while in a deeper corner of my mind I puzzle over how odd it is that I’ll turn forty-three in a few months. There was a period of about fif...
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I liked the fact that this peice was written in two different voices. It was interesting to get the same event from two different perspectives and to get a window into their personalities, and into that of the ex. The only thing I would suggest is to try and pay attention to the child's voice. She is thirteen and her thoughts, sentance contructions, etc are those of an adult pretending to be a child. Use some of your journals from when you were thirteen or anything else written by an actual c...
Limericks are funny because they have general appeal. It seems like you're missing the point by writing about your crazy cat and your fat friend
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I thought about the woods I used to play in as a child when I read this. The only thing that occasionally jolted me back to reality was that some of the rhymes were a bit off. For instance, "A squirrel in the tree and just like that squirrel, I could climb that tree and see the woods fully." The word "fully" doesn't quite rhyme with tree and sounds kind of funny at the end of the stanza. It conveys your ideas but sounds rather awkward. Maybe you could say something like "I could climb the tre...
I'd like to see this in novel form. Although it stands alone very nicely, I would be curious to hear how the protagonist met Sarah, why she left him for Rick, and why he's letting her hang around to break his heart. I guess all that will become apparent when the novel comes out. The story felt "true" as did the characters. I could imagine two people in a situation similar to the one the protagonist and Sarah are caught in. The one thing that rang a little false was Rick's character. He seems ...
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I've read lots of stories about serial killers. Most are trite or trying too hard. This one suceeds where so many of them fail. The language is lyrical and the imagery is very strong. The character is also very believable. You haven't tried to make him especially sick or deranged. However, the fact that he is a sick person comes out in his actions and some of his thoughts such as the mirror on the table or the rat poison.
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