kadiya's profile
AGE:
57
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 18
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: September 18
http://kadiya77.tripod.com is my webpage if anyone cares to visit.
Items
Version 1
10 Reviews
16 Comments
Bel’dda had a fondness for clay. She liked the way it moulded well in her hands. She sat and toyed with a blob of it until she had fashioned a small mythical creature that would eventually end up in someone’s home sitting on a mantle piece. Her nature was to provide those who appreciated her art with these simple little gifts. Giving was always a delight and she enjoyed watching her friends faces light up in appreciation. Her work was well known. She received many commissions to make her clay...
Version 3
9 Reviews
7 Comments
Griff was stiff. He sat silently on the corner of the roof of an ancient stone church situated on a hill overlooking the little town of Martynvale. The grey granite walls, weathered by time, still bore the stonemasons hammer marks. Little clumps of moss grew in damp places on the grey slate roof. Though not a large church, its design reflected the old way, traditionally facing east west. From a birds’ point of view, the shape of a cross was clearly visible. The stained glass windows sparkled ...
Version 2
8 Reviews
5 Comments
I’ve noticed… All the little mood swings When a cat has crossed your path You really are predictable It almost makes me laugh It takes a couple of weeks For you to work it through To get back in control And not create a stew They lurk in places I don’t go A chance meeting now and then What comes of it, I don’t know The temptation to all men I wonder in my heart of hearts If it’s reverse psychology When a cat has waggled its little arse You accuse me of infidelity There’s always a pattern to t...
Version 1
18 Reviews
16 Comments
Mans gotta have his freedom Was that days cool remark Yet what’s the cost in terms of love When carousing in the dark When love is left at home to think Of all the vixens on the drink How long’s it take before a fall To ruin life for one and all Now, not that there are ties or ropes On soul or body, I’m no dope But staying out all night alone Makes me wonder, stir and groan Mans gotta have his freedom The plaintiffs verdant plea To get away from you And you away from me Now I’ve witnessed men...
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Reviews
I think you have a good idea here. You need to really look at sentence structure, punctuation, grammar and tense. The first sentence is not understandable. The way it reads is confusing as you imply that her hair swings the lance. The second sentence has mixed tense, knees bent not bending. In a lot of ways it is quite wordy...too many words used to describe things, it could be much better than it is. As a reader I felt the story lacked attention. “Thank-you.; He said to her.”I know you’re co...
A historical sea faring novel with a touch romance maybe...delightful change. Written with seafaring knowledge and most of the language is typical of the day. The first thing that grabbed my attenion: Your first sentence is way too long. It would be kinder to your reader if you split it up a bit. If you go through it, there are a couple of 'I need a mental coffee break' sentences! You have certainly captured the essence of the 1800's. Beautifully written, the dialogue flows well, I did partic...
Well it makes perfect sense. You have set the scene and with that said,it flows well. As a crime thriller, this first chapter is detailed and well presented, it's interesting and held my attention. The dialogue is natural and you give undelying hints as to relationships within the structure of the detectives and FBI. It kind of reminded me of CSI - on the detective side of things. I have read through this twice, it's 100% show and with that I feel like I am getting to know the characters on a...
Hol’venif, Casiti 90 Paqn 3145 I have a question. When you slip into the 'otherworld' and start reflecting n seasons - winter, summer, fall etc. Would in fact, that civilization name the seasons the same as ours here on earth? The planet may be comarable in climate but I am sure the seasonal language would be different. Would you agree? Silandra got up, shrugged on a tunic, (I dont think you shrug on clothing, more like you shrug off clothing but slip clothing on.) I scooted back to the begin...
50.0% Review Quality (2 Votes)
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