jrduchateau's profile
AGE:
25
LOC: Santa Clarita, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 18
LOC: Santa Clarita, CA
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: June 18
My name is Jacqueline Rochelle Du Chateau. (It’s a name worthy of a legacy and I just don’t fit the bill quite yet.)
I’m currently practicing with my writing, towards the goal of publishing my own horror/dark fantasy series one day.
My system of critiquing:
Im usually very positive with my description of how i rated you, but that doen’t mean ill always give you a 10.
But i don’t want people to think that they did a bad job just because I have higher expectations of myself. I’m of the belief that if you succeeded in expressing what you were trying to convey- it’s art.
Items
Version 2
0 Reviews
0 Comments
Holding, embracing, comforting touch I cherish, I worship, I fear this love. Struggling to fit to your mold of perfection Killing myself just to keep your affection. Beneath myself I sense what has been Haunting my thoughts with desire and sin Inside, I hear the warrior spirit Begging for me to release it. These primal drives, Untouched hopes, Shattered lives. Like ghosts of my heart Shredding promise apart. This cycle of pain Rebirth Remain I resolve to regain What I lost, What I gave. Back ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
1 Comment
I am student, teacher, mentor, and muse. I am. I live in passion; with promise and pain. I live. I love easily, often and without regret. I love. What I was is only a memory, What I will be is but a mystery, So I think I'll just be. Because today, I am.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Love may not always feel noble or wise, but it is there nonetheless. It must be honored and cherished, not ignored, overpowered, or feared. Love is the most basic magick one can feel. It is a cresting wave we must ride, not fight. It is too precious to be taken for granted, too valuable to be dismissed. As is the nature of magick, love is a double-edged sword. It creates pain and dissention just as easily as it does joy and bliss. Like magick, love cannot be manipulated or controlled; it can ...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
Holding, embracing, comforting touch I cherish, I worship, I fear this love. Struggling to fit to your mold of perfection Killing myself just to keep your affection. Beneath myself I sense what has been Haunting my thoughts with desire and sin Inside, I hear the warrior spirit Begging for me to release it. These primal drives, Untouched hopes, Shattered lives. Like ghosts of my heart Shredding promise apart. This cycle of pain Rebirth Remain I resolve to regain What I lost, What I gave. Back ...
[ View all items ]
Reviews
At first I was a bit confused as to what I was reading. The first few pages were vague and ambiguous that I wasn't sure where the POV was coming from. But after gaining a bit of ground with the next pages, I found that I thoroughly enjoyed this piece. Dark and disturbing in the ranks of Chuck Palahniuk, I liked the vigilante irony of the character's actions. I would suggest possibly giving a bit more hook in the first few pages to ensure that the reader's don't just get confused and give up. ...
Page two, minor typo- "Double up One more minute!" Should there be punctuation between the 'up' and the 'One'? Might want to differentiate the inner dialogue for Micheal with italics or whatever you'd prefer. Another thing I'd suggest adding would be more physical descriptions for the characters. I got a good idea of their identities through the dialogue, but more mannerisms, facial expressions, and physical observations (height, eyes, build) will help make the characters more real in my mind...
“She wasn’t supposed to be here. She had things to do.” This make me laugh somewhat in a morbid way, just because I already knew from the last chapter she attempted suicide. Almost makes me wonder if she is having periodic PTSD symptoms that she forgets for the majority of time, and when she remembers… she carves herself up and downs psych meds and vodka. “I mean if her taxes needed done...” Did you mean to write this as “I mean if her taxes needed to be done…” or was the grammar deliberate f...
1st paragraph uses the preposition “he” to describe this new type of monster. Is it limited to just male humans? If it’s a monster, wouldn’t that take some of ‘his’ humanity away and make ‘him’ an ‘it’? By the end, I think the structure of this story works perfectly. At the beginning I was questioning what the trigger was for Dinah’s actions, and by the end I’m pretty sure I knew. I don’t have any real criticisms for this piece. My only peeve was the introductory description of rapists. I thi...
Might want to revise this part: ‘Then the two continued wrestling and teasing one another, growing louder by the second, “Boys,” Jacob spoke firmly, “calm down,” checking his watch, he started pacing back and forth on the sidewalk, “what could she possibly be doing? Does it really take that long to fix Suraionee’s hair?” He mumbled under his breath.’ This runs on a bit much, and you might want to edit the punctuation with the dialogue so that it breaks at “calm down.” and restarts with “What ...
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
