I find this very real emotion...it is convincing too. I feel that it is something I would want to continue reading. It takes a lot for me to want to continue reading something, it has to grab me by the heart more than my mind and I like that about it! Good work here! I encourage you to keep going.

You definitly have a great talent for words. I enjoyed this piece, it has a strong optimistic point. It made me really read it to understand what you are saying and to me that is good. saying that, i mean that its depth is just deep enough to make the reader focus on the writing yet still its clear enough to make sense. The intensity kept me pulled in and the joy of survival in it made me feel connected to you as well....thank you for sharing this.

You are definitly on to something here. I read it twice to get the drift but I feel that you are talking about death and religion. Great writing. It made me think about what you are trying to say I think that is good work. Great job keep going.

Wow...I love the depth in this. The way it is written sounds melancholy and it makes it's point. I think you have talent for words and I would keep writing because you express yourself well. this work in itself is great proof of that.

In all honesty in my opinion this is what poetry is all about...it's about get the words on the page, like a painter getting the paint somewhere even if it doesn't make it to the canvas...you have a point here. the feeling of this to me is a quiet somber yet real intensity to explode something out of your pencil to write...you did it and it is beautiful! Nice work, you tell it like you feel it and that is what makes it work for me.

I found this to sound more like a monologue. It says a lot however. Poetry to me is just a voice and you definitly use your voice here. You prove a point and your words fit the tone.

you definitly know how to use your words, I suggest adding more to your voice here, what do you want to say more of...I feel like you held back here where, while reading it, you seem to stop too soon? Does that make sense? You have skill, but I know you have more of a voice than what you put down here. Overall it is good poetry. I just think you have more artistry to put into it, which is the voice...your voice!

I think this piece has the possibility of more expression... your expression in it is great and very clear, it could almost be lyrics to a song. I find some of the grammer off but overall you have a lot to say in such short poetry... Nice work! Great level of compassion!