jokaking's profile

I liked this one because of the "what we had in common" phrases followed by nothing seeming to math then at the end you put "not a thing" which put everything in perspective... and also the parenthesis statements are nice since they assumingly show the reader what drew you to her despite your differences... overall its very well thought out and written, the only change I would make is to change came to went since you're referring to the past throughout the whole poem... peace to you and keep ...

Cool read, it seems like you have a struggle inchoosing to have real relationship or a no-strings-attached ordeal... or maybe something along those lines... the poem itself can be fixed with shortening the stanzas which could help with the flow of it and. The only grammar change I see that could help a tad would be saying here where I dwell instead of here I dwell... all-in-all good stuff... peace

Liked this one a lot, a very nice read... it feels to me like you're remembering your child and at the same time giving the reader an idea of your independence you currently have in your life... a line or stanza I enjoyed a lot was the second one because it reminds me of someone discovering their independence and deciding to believe in what they want and not what they were raised on...as stated before nice read and don't see anything. That should be changed except puttiing certain words on th...

reminds me of some breaking benjamin type of lyrics... good stuff, the only thing I can kinda go against is the first stanza seems to reiterate the same theme or thing in the first two lines and the last two lines... the rest of it flows okay, but a few words could help carry the line structure more fluidly... "As I wait for the end of day" could sound better and you could try I stand on a bright shore, with the shield that I bore... but since you put that you wrote it according to something ...

I know exactly where you're coming from, it's tough to hold your peace hwen those around you don't do the same... well the only suggestions I can give are to change the word "da" to "the" and instead of released in me try held in me... some of the word choices and phrases are well versed and nicely written... "I have held many words within , that have not been held by the ears of those close to my lips." this one is the best, I've never seen it written like that... overall good work, nice wri...