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joelcosmejr's profile
AGE:
29
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 04
LOC: NY, NY
GEN: Male
LAST LOGIN: April 04
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Version 1
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Sitting in an uncomfortable chair, all is more enjoyable. Hunger striking my memory and the emotional sensitivity of the arrow. Seeing this sight makes me wonder about my siblings, lost in the system. News turned on, there’s my crazy mentally damaged cousin – oro por ti. Laughing, laughing like I laugh when laughing is the only shield I have left. Shadow moving over a time map; odio yo no se que. Hang the wet clothes out the window: darkness, red, blue, green, tie. Man, does this continuous p...
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This haiku is interesting considering that it varies from the traditional use of a wild landscape and uses a dreamscape as its setting. There is no imagery to work on, but requires the reader to use his/her own imagination. Excellent work.
I am not sure if you are trying to emulate traditional haiku with your writing or want to modernize it, either way there is little power of imagery. The simple fact that you are calling the object the metaphor counteracts, in my opinion, the purpose of the poem. Aside from the last line, the poem has great potential.
"I am nothing" appears to be somewhat simplistic in style and imagery. I'm sorry but it does seem to me like a first draft or work, similar to my own when I first started writing poetry. I suggest you try to read a variety of poetry styles and also to work on your vocabulary. There is nothing wrong with being simplistic, though complexity within the simplistic is best. I can easily interpret your poem. Try to make it harder for the reader. Make them put effort into understanding you by pickin...
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