I think you've got the right voice for young adult. You voice sounds like a teenager's and that's a good thing. Not having read the prologue, I was a tad confused, but I was also disappointed when it ended so quickly. I wanted to read more. The dialogue was sharp and the characters well drawn. I wished for a little more description of the camp, though. Overall, good work. I would read more.

This started out nice, but fell into cliche in the last few stanzas. Try to use fresh language to get your feelings and emotions across.

I really dug this. After I finished, I went back and read it again. You've got talent. Excellent work. John

I think this has some potential, but you need to let it sit for a while and revisit it. Then read it again and look for the meaning. I think that is what's missing. The dreamlike images are there and pretty solid, but I want some meaning, something I can take away from this poem. I'd like to read another version.

This is cute. Flash fiction this short is very hard to pull off. I once wrote a 69 word story for a contest, and it was a real struggle. You did a nice job with this, though. Nice image and cute twist. Good work.

This held my attention throughout because I wanted some answers about the man. Why was he ignoring the police? Why did he shoot the woman? These questions drive the story. Yet--and this is my biggest problem with the story--you do not deal with these questions! In my opinion this does not work as a five hundred word piece. What you've set up demands a much longer treatment. A few typos/ errors/ confusing parts: 1. the night was almost eerie? How can the night almost be eerie? And even if it c...

You have some very basic writing errors in this piece. Run-on sentences are the biggest problems. Let me give you and example: You write--Grandma had ants in her pants when it came to living somewhere, three times in two years was alot of moving. --- This is a kind of run on sentence called a comma splice. A comma is not strong enough to hold two sentences together. To fix this problem you could use a semicolon instead of the comma or just start a new sentence at "three" More comma splices he...

Not bad for a story with no background about how he got in the situation. I like the way you described his descent into madness, though the desert mirage thing is a little cliched. I don't know what to say about this one, really. It works for what it is, but if you wanted to go for publication you'd definitely have to flesh it out.

Nice work. I can't say I understand it, but it is definitely evocative. I could see this getting published somewhere. I wonder why you chose to eschew capital letters in this piece. I think it works, but I still wonder what the reasoning was. I love the poetry of this piece. Good work

You have some nice evocative lines in this piece. My favorite:Fingertips like fire trace circles into bare skin. Searing their mark.. forever etched. I'm not sure I follow this line:The mars and embarrassments are not seen... The planet mars? I can't think of anything else other than a Mars Bar, but I doubt you meant that. Overall, nice images in this.