jjoplin's profile
AGE:
44
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: n/a
LOC: Australia
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: n/a
Standing on a hill with a mountain of dreams, telling myself it’s not as hard, hard, hard as it seems. My words flow from the heart to you, the viewer- do with them as you will. My infants of poetry will take shape and grow I am sure.
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There is no smell sweeter, Then the rain soaked ground, wetter Then the air of night, darker Then the moon withheld, without. There is no sound, stiller Then the wind in absence, departed. There is no smell sweeter Then the garden, damper Then the ground living, fresher Then the drought stricken soil, saturated at last.
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You have a nice way with words, and some double entendres, - I like the build up to a sense of tragedy and despair as your cynicism emerges. I'm not sure about the last paragraph - it seems to be a bit flippant and out of the general emotion of the piece. _ more like your thoughts on the piece rather then relevant to the content. If you enjoy putting words together and creating a message then you should keep writing, I like your words.
This poem was very heartfelt and flowed nicely - it was however fairyly predictable in its direction, and the words though simple and sweet, were not complex or unusual? I think. It must have cost a lot to write these words and then given a lot of pleasure to see them on paper, to express so fully such a difficult emotion as giving up a newborn child. The love is beautiful but expected, the loss difficult but not explored.
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