jheII's profile
AGE:
23
LAST LOGIN: September 15
LAST LOGIN: September 15
J. H. Ellis II
I’m a regularly practicing poet from Savannah, GA. For the most part I follow the footsteps of the American poets that I admire most: Reznikoff (Lord of the Narrative Poem), Ginsberg, Pound, Williams, Kerouac, &c. I’d like to use this site as a gauge to get a feeling for what random strangers think of my work.
Items
Version 1
6 Reviews
0 Comments
Not worth it? I'll try anyway.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
5 Reviews
1 Comment
I can't help but be vain.
Ratings & Rankings
Opportunities
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
The bhoddisatva of noise Walked thru the same Doors as the rest of us He was bringing a plate of food Pasta and baked potato To the guy behind the merch table Slid it off to the side While a girl in red silk Counted from a stack Of twenties and ones Smiled shyly at them both As she held a t-shirt to her chest He signed ticket stubs And shook hands Smiled and appreciated the same Compliments that he'll get Every night of this tour After that he walked away and waved To the line of kids Back at...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
i met two girls on the corner of peachtree and 17th street in Atlanta the sweaty armpit of Moloch we were all waiting for the same thing they came from St Augustine and I came from Starland to see the band they were only sixteen and living seemed so easy for them we became close friends and I haven't seen either of them since...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
1 Review
0 Comments
I'm waiting for the plane that cuts thru sky with pure percision Toward the human suffering enclosed in towers of iron, Cages of red brick and vinyl, asphalt and wood Shop windows and phone booths Devestated by explosive waves of pure oxygen Channeled into urban tunnels running In every conveivable direction The home of miserable meat eating faces eagerly awaiting The sight of my unpleasant face Where I will be locked in the prison of my self I can't wait for the plane that will take me back ...
Ratings & Rankings
[ View all items ]
Reviews
Very good. When I read it I looked down at my keyboard and imagined all of the letters and numbers replaced with "esc" which I thought was a really cool image. You took that and gave it meaning by illuminating the fact that we write to get away from something else. Brilliant, I wish I wrote it.
First of all, in my opinion, it's not really a poem if there aren't any line breaks. The general idea is that one line should be no longer than one breath. You should think harder about your choice of words as well. "...regain into my normal state of mind." isn't a correct usage of the word "regain." Also you use both "mind" and "unkind" twice when you could've used something more creative and less repetitive. For instance: "school on my brain" instead of "school on my mind." Also, "stressful...
I really like the way this is written. You use descriptive and active language, which is really important in my view, and above all you present an interesting theme. I think you could have added to the sense of urgency and suspense by using less articles. For example: He holds his head higher; stage becomes pyre. 10 tired fighters; diamond clown crumbling.
I really like this poem; it's complete. The only recommendation I have would be to elaborate on the "letter from you." Maybe say: "No room for a..." and describe the letter that you're waiting for so that the last line becomes a complete stanza. Maybe beef up the first stanza as well.
[ View all reviews ]
Favorites
People
