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jet_fuel's profile
AGE:
36
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 03
LOC: United States
GEN: Female
LAST LOGIN: February 03
Items
Version 1
29 Reviews
12 Comments
Sometimes, when I think of the most fucked up thing, I reassure myself. “Surely, this is not the MOST insane crass, violent, humorous, bizarrely ironic, selfish, perverse scenario, situation, happenstance, volley, folly, a human could think of!” And this self reassurance, it usually works. But well, I’ve traveled, I’ve met many people, and SOMEone has to be that person who truly IS that fucked. And would they know? Would they be imprisoned or would they be lauded for being so scandalous? Ther...
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
8 Reviews
4 Comments
Sharing is only fun for people who don't have stuff.
Ratings & Rankings
Version 1
6 Reviews
1 Comment
“Is it big enough?” she asks Noah, an overweight 6th grader, and abashedly he nods yes. Only I could recognize, could know, how the excitement of unwrapping a gift, in this case an eighty-dollar Abercrombie and Fitch sweatshirt, could too briskly be transformed to shame in one vanishing smile. I helplessly observed mother abduct his happiness and witnessed the insecurity and self reproach of a 6th grader wearing a men’s size Large, and the attention brought to it by a woman who never “got it....
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Reviews
The story is very curious - Alice in Wonderland curious- ODD - but I confess I’m smiling throughout it. Smiling in an, “I can’t figure this tale out” sort of way. Your dream motif is strong. It feels natural and adds an innocence and trustworthiness to the courier’s character. very sketchy syntax which I think might be your trademark style - it works here. Your use of fragments is brilliant. You express without many verbs! I wonder, how can this courier just travel without attachments? Does h...
The story has good character development. It does leave some questions unanswered, which perhaps you intentionally left out: What city are they in and what is the research?! The ending is adorably lighthearted. Suggestions for improvement:You need a comma, -- “I would have plenty of time to swing by work where my boss, Marni,,,,, had allowed... I don’t like the verb “ranting” when Mark (“Mark was still ranting...”) speaks to Derrick.”Ranting” feels ordinary and, for me, implies frenzy, chaos...
I write notes as I read, so here you go: -empty thesis statement First paragraph is very fluffy!! "Not only are the main characters themselves very different in nature, but the terrible situations they experience, the way they react to their situations, the support they get from others, the type of inequity and injustice, and the resolution of the inequity and injustice are very different." (The statement is wordy and requires too many re-reads) improper internal citations - were you required...
This story is "cute." It might appeal to young adult readers and score better in that category. Fang's background is too silly and disconnected to the rest of the tale. The beginning needs to be reworked because at the point when you introduce your name feels rushed. Do we need to know your name at that moment? Based on your age, I beleve you do have a talent that is worth shaping. You make silly "freshman" mistakes with your grammar (homonyms, spelling, words unintentionally omitted, etc.)A ...
Maybe this was your intention, but this was in the short story category, and this is not a short story in my world. I also think you must be very, very sane because the writing comes off as an extremely rational person trying to sound"certificable"(cute pun btw), but instead sounding forced and artificial, by drawing in predictable and nonsensical descriptions: "strange white room" "Laziness attracts bugs." Where are your story's actions? The exposition(beginning) could use an overhaul. I thi...
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